Don't Run From It

[DrDMatthews 0]

        The sound of the door chime startled Debbie. It was almost 2300 hours and she wasn't expecting company.

 

       "Who could this be," she grumbled as she made her way to the door. She had been trying to take a shower and go to bed for over an hour. Yet, she was still fully dressed, in her uniform no less, and that shower was starting to seem like an impossible dream. 

 

       "Who is it?" she called, long before reaching the door.

       "It's Grace Allen, Dr. Matthews," came the familiar voice. "Sorry to bother you so late but there's something important I need to discuss with you."

      

       There was an urgent tone to Gracie's voice. Debbie sighed and ordered the door open. She couldn't turn away her chief nurse. If there was a problem, the least Debbie could do was hear her out, especially after all Gracie had done for her.

 

       Gracie hesitated a moment and looked around the room before stepping inside. Debbie shook her head. "Don't worry, there's nobody here but me."

 

       The chief nurse smiled slightly and took a few steps inside. Debbie knew immediately something was wrong. Any other time, Gracie would have strolled in and made herself at home. "Have a seat," said Debbie, pointing to the sofa. "Can I get you something to drink?"

 

       "No, thanks anyway," replied Grace as she sat down on the sofa. "Again, I apologize for bothering you at this hour but I wanted to discuss this with you in private."

 

       Debbie was intrigued. She was the one who usually ran to Gracie for advice. As a matter of fact, she'd been tempted to do just that several times over the past couple of days. But Debbie's concerns were not only very private, they were a little embarrassing as well. She'd decided to deal with them on her own.

 

       The CMO sat down in one of the chairs facing the sofa. "You have my full attention," she said calmly. "What's wrong?"

 

       Grace Allen canted her head to one side and looked Debbie in the eye. "It isn't about me, Chief," she answered matter of factly. "I want to know what's wrong with you."

 

       The question stunned Debbie. She stared blankly at her chief nurse. "What makes you think anything's wrong?"

 

       Gracie leaned forward on the sofa, all the while maintaining direct eye contact with her boss. "For the past few days," she began slowly. "You've been acting like the wicked witch of the West." She shook her head slightly. "You've been forgetting appointments, snapping at people, tossing things around like we're on a basketball court rather than in Sickbay. You've got us all walking on eggshells when you're around." Grace shrugged her shoulders. "Your behavior is totally out of character. Everyone has noticed. Even maintenance is talking about it."

 

       The chief nurse shook her head again and continued. "We've been through hell and back these past few weeks." She paused and lowered her voice slightly. "We lost a lot of our friends. It will take a long time to recover from that. This isn't the best of times for you to put on your witch act. The Romulans really clobbered us. We don't need you clobbering us too."

 

       Debbie was dumbfounded. She leaned forward, rested her elbows on her knees and dropped her head into her hands wishing with all her heart a hole would open up in the floor and swallow her. Debbie knew exactly what Gracie was talking about. She'd been in a foul mood for the past several days. She just hadn't realized how obvious she'd been.

 

       "Did you break up?" asked Gracie.

       "No," answered Debbie, finally looking up. "We haven't broken up."

       "I didn't think so," quipped Gracie as she leaned back.

       "Then why did you ask?"

       "Just wanted to make sure I'd pegged it right?"

       "And how did you 'peg' it?"

 

       The chief nurse smiled warmly. "You're scared to death, Ms. Matthews. You've fallen in love with that man and you don't know what to do."

 

       "Pfft," Debbie practically jumped out of the chair and strode across the room, desperately trying to think of something to say. But Gracie was right. As hard as she tried, Debbie couldn't argue the point. What was worse, Gracie had no idea Debbie had confessed her true feelings to Aidan, a fact she was beginning to regret. She stared out the window for half a minute then turned to face her chief nurse.

 

       "I have a right to be scared," mumbled Debbie.

       "So what are you afraid of," demanded Gracie. She got up from the sofa and walked across the room to stand beside Debbie. "Happiness?"

      

       Was she afraid of happiness? Debbie had never considered that possibility. But she didn't think that was it. No, Debbie's greatest fear was getting hurt. Giving her heart to a man and then having him stomp on it.

 

       "I'm not afraid of happiness," replied the CMO. "I want to be happy just like anyone else." She looked at Gracie and smiled sadly. "There's a lot at stake. If things don't work out, I not only lose a boyfriend, I lose my job."

 

       "Your job?" Gracie's tone was incredulous. "What does your job have to do with it?"

       Debbie again looked out the window. "I couldn't stay here if the relationship soured. I'd have to leave Reaent."  She glanced at Gracie who was studying her carefully. "I just couldn't handle being so close to him and not...."

 

       Gracie patted her boss on the shoulder. "He'd probably beat you to it," she said quickly and then pulled Debbie back toward the chair. After they'd again taken their seats, the older woman pointed her finger at Debbie. "Don't let fear keep you from taking the plunge," she admonished. "If you do, you'll live to regret it."

 

       Gracie leaned back on the sofa and crossed her arms in front of her. "I take it you've told him?"

       "Told him what?" asked Debbie cautiously.

       "That you love him?"

       Debbie looked at the older woman sitting across from her. What was this lady? A mind reader?  "How do you know that?" she demanded.

       The chief nurse just laughed. "You were okay until a few days ago. I figured you'd let it slip. That's why you've morphed into a monster. You've already spoken the words. Now there's no going back."

 

       Again, Debbie dropped her head into her hands and groaned softly. "I never meant for this to happen," she replied, looking up at Gracie, her expression a mixture of wonder and grief.

       Gracie shrugged her shoulders. "That's when it happens....when you're not looking for it or expecting it."

       "I think he's as surprised as I am."

       "Probably so. He was so closed off to the world, I'm shocked you were able to crack that shell of his."

 

       Debbie was a little surprised by Gracie's remark. Then again, it was highly likely everyone aboard the ship saw Aidan Ridire as distant and aloof.  After all, wasn't that Debbie's first impression of him. But that was so long ago. She could barely remember the man he was back then. More importantly, she understood why he had shielded himself off from the rest of the world.

 

       "He's a little nervous about this too," said Debbie softly.

       Gracie nodded. "But he's moving forward, isn't he." It was a statement, not a question.  The nurse leaned forward and tapped Debbie on the knee. "Allow yourself to be happy. You should be walking on Cloud 9." She smiled at her boss. "Because he loves you, girl. And there's no denying it."

 

       Debbie wrinkled her nose. She was puzzled. "How do you know all this? We've tried to be very discreet."

       "You have been discreet. Very few of us are aware of what's going on....I just happen to be one of them. I see the way you look at each other." Gracie grinned mischievously. "But that's because I'm watching you like a hawk."  The chief nurse winked at her boss. "And that wicked witch act was a sure fire giveaway."

 

       "Thank you for bringing that to my attention," mumbled Debbie. "Any suggestions on how I can make it up to everyone?"

       Gracie shrugged. "A simple apology would be nice," she replied. "And if you're inclined to grant us some time off, I don't think anyone would turn it down."

 

       Debbie frowned. She sincerely wished she could offer the staff extra time off. But she knew that wouldn't be possible anytime soon. "I'd love to do that," she said with a shrug. "Unfortunately, the powers that be at Fleet have refused the Captain's request for replacement crew."

        "Really!" It was Gracie's turn to look surprised. "Why would they do that?

       Debbie shook her head and sighed. "They haven't offered an explanation, although I'm pretty sure the Captain is demanding one." 

 

       The CMO bit her lip and looked at her chief nurse. "Maybe I'll give them all IOUs. Once things are back to normal and we're properly restaffed, they'll be free to take a few extra days off."

       Gracie stood up slowly. "That's a good idea," she replied with a grin. "But don't forget the apology. That will go a long way toward making people feel better."

       Debbie nodded as she stood up. "I'll take care of that starting tomorrow," she replied earnestly.

       Gracie made her way to the door. Debbie followed her, stifling a yawn along the way. The chief nurse turned to face her boss as the door swished open. "About that other matter," she said softly. "Remember what I said. Embrace love....don't run from it."

       By the time Debbie thought of something to say, Gracie was half way down the corridor. Debbie leaned against the door after it closed and considered Gracie's words. She was still nervous about the budding relationship with Aidan Ridire. At the same time, she knew her feelings for him were genuine. Maybe Gracie was right. Maybe it was time for Debbie to stop running and embrace these new found emotions. Granted, she could get hurt. But she might also find a level of happiness she never considered possible. She would never know unless she let this relationship play out.

 

       Debbie pushed away from the door and slowly made her way into the bedroom. For the first time in over a week, she was confident she would sleep soundly tonight. The brief chat with Grace Allen had helped her to finally come to terms with what was happening between her and Aidan. Debbie knew it was still risky but she had finally decided he was worth it.