Capt Ayers

By: Rear Admiral Meve

Captain Ayers

 

 

Nick's silver eyes take on a cold hard glint as he glares down at the shorter Andorian. It's not that Nick doesn't have a temper, it's just that he keeps control of it. However, that control was slipping in the face of what the Admiral was saying..the idea of clocking the Andorian was a temptation.

 

"With all due respect, Admiral, you need to get your temper and yourself under control. You're not even thinking like a Starfleet Officer at the moment. You're reacting and thinking purely because you're angry at me and you're projecting that anger on to the others and back on to me. At least I deserve some of it but none of the others here have done anything at all to deserve your wrath. Yes, I withheld information from you and for a damn good reason. If I thought you would have reacted differently then how you are then I would have told you. I knew though that the second I told you would be the second you'd start salivating over the prospect that that ship represents which is exactly what you're doing now. You, like the Admiralty above you, are not even bothering to consider the full ramifications of what you're trying to do. Hell, you're not even bothering to consider the fact that you don't even have a way to acquire that ship in the bloody first place. All you're considering is how much more powerful you think the Federation will be once you reverse engineer that ship and that come hell or high water you must have the shiny new toy despite the price the Federation and especially my people will pay for that desire."

 

"I did what I did because I was obeying the Prime Directive and my oath to protect the Federation from all threats..even itself. Beyond that, I did what I did because my people, long before yours, saw the wisdom that is embodied in what the Federation would call the Prime Directive. That to interfere in the natural development of a people would be wrong to the point of being criminal. That to give them, no matter who them was, everything on a silver platter would be to be playing God. If my people had wanted to interfere in the development of what would become the Federation, the Klingon Empire, the Romulan Empire or any of the others we could have done so long ago and the Universe..or at least this particular corner of it would be very different from what exists now."

 

Nick turns and walks to the far side of the Control Tower. As he does so "When you have your temper under control, Admiral, let me know the answer to this question. While my people are eternally grateful for the Federation taking us in and while we want to help the Federation how we can and via our own choice...how exactly is the Federation any better then anyone else when it is trying to steal from my people at the end of a phaser? If you can honestly claim that the Federation is still better then everyone else while doing that then you are a far better man and far more intelligent then I am."

 

Nick says "Let me know when you get your temper under control, Admiral, and are prepared to be reasonable and rational. Until then, we're at a stalemate and I am going to go sit over there. Know this though. My people are eternally grateful for the Federation taking us in despite not knowing much about us and knowing that we had known of the Federation and it's member races long before you knew of us. And we wish to help the Federation how we can. However, how we help the Federation has to be our choice. If you hold, in effect, a phaser to our heads and demand to use us as tools and weapons.....then exactly how much better then the Romulans or the others are you?"

 

       Fred only shook his head and started to laugh, "You just don't get it, do you? Your damn right I feel the Federation is better than everyone else, that's why I took an oath to protect it. We aren't perfect, but find me someone who is. Oh, that's right, I forgot...your species seems to think they are. After all, having all that time to wonder the galaxy must mean you operate on a higher plane of mental existence than the rest of us mere peons."

 

       The Andorian lowered his antenna and stopped laughing, "And no one stole your property Nick. The problem is, you tried to play stupid and pretend you didn't know who's property it was...knowing all along it was your people's. Whether or not you want to admit it, Captain, that was a grave tactical mistake that probably just caused the thing you claim to have wanted to avoid."

 

       With that, Meve turned and approached Muon...clearly no longer in a mood to listen to anything else

 

Nick freezes in midstep and his hands ball into fists. Finally he turns and says darkly "No, Admiral, my people do not feel we are superior. There is no such thing as a superior race in this Universe..not us, not you, not the humans, not the Borg, not the Romulans...no one. Where the separation exists, Admiral, is age. And yes, the Federation is better but it isn't perfect and that is the reason I chose to join Starfleet and took an oath to protect the Federation. Case in point. The Federation finds a ship that represents a near quantum leap in technology and despite being told that they may not have it they try to obtain it. Yes, Admiral..that is theft. My people did not give Starfleet permission to salvage that ship, we did not give Starfleet permission to obtain that ship. In fact..I very much doubt anyone in the Federation or Starfleet even bothered to ask us. You just assume that it's yours for the taking despite the fact that my people don't represent a threat and we aren't enemies. And no, Admiral, I very much doubt that if I had told you from the start what was going on you would have acted any different then you are now. The only difference would have been is that you wouldn't have been acting out of anger. You still would be trying to jump through every rationalization and it's corresponding hoop in order to justify the Federation acquiring that ship. You still would have had to report it back to Command and we would still be in the exact same position we are now. And no...I wasn't playing stupid...I was obeying the oaths I took."

USS Pandora's Box

Time:  During trip to the Lambda Aurigae System

 

       When Nick first saw the distress signal from the alien ship he had been glad that Ethan was being aloof and distant.  It kept her from sensing the shock and flurry of other emotions that Nick felt upon realizing what he was seeing.  It also kept her from sensing his lie when he indicated to the Admiral that he, like the others, did not know what language the message was in. 

 

       He had intended to keep it that way throughout the mission, it simply made things easier and things were going to be difficult enough.  That's what his mind told him to do but from the start his heart told him that there would be no time to find out what had caused her to distance herself from him after the mission.  That there would not be the chance because of what he had done...his lie would be seen as a betrayal and despite his rationalizations and his reasons, even Nick had to admit that from their point of view, it would be a betrayal.  Since he wanted to know what was bothering her, he decided he had better find out before his choice drove the wedge between them permanently.

 

       He finds himself standing outside the door to her quarters.  It takes him a minute or two to steady his nerves enough to step close enough to trigger the doorbell.  He steps through the door after hearing her grant permission.  He finds her sitting at one end of the couch with a PADD in her hand.  She sets the PADD down as he says hesitantly "If I'm disturbing..." 

 

       She says uncomfortably "No, sir, come in.  What can I do for you?" as she stands.

 

       He replies "Perhaps it's not my place...but you can explain that, please.'

 

       She blinks in confusion, "Sir?"

 

       Nick sighs to himself as he says "That.  I can understand the "Sir" and the formality on duty.  However, it's rather a switch concerning our prior.....relationship."

 

       He watches as she swallows and then says abashedly "Yes, well...You're a  Captain now...sir, and it seems inappropriate to be on overly familiar terms, if you'll forgive my saying so.  You far outrank me now."

 

       Nick blinks, taken aback and not expecting that to be the reason at all.  His voice takes on a bemused and hurt tone as he says "I didn't know that when I got promoted that I became some sort of untouchable being.  Nor do I exactly recall the regulations saying that Captain's couldn't have personal rela...friendship's with people."  As he says the last he reaches up to his collar, removes the pips and tosses them on a small end table near him.  He asks "There, what am I now?"

 

       He watches the shock ride across her expression as she says "I...uh...you're a Captain that likes to throw his rank around, obviously."  She takes a deep breath before continuing "In all seriousness, you are a Captain with the clearances and responsibilities that go with it.  It would be inappropriate to risk that I might learn something that I shouldn't."

 

       Nick closes his eyes and says darkly "Great, I already hated this promotion before, now I down right loathe the damn thing."

 

       He opens his eyes "May I point out a few things?  You're a senior officer, in fact you're the current third in charge.  I'm still the Executive Officer which is what I was before.  And since I was a rank higher then you from the start, your sudden concern that you may find out things that you shouldn't seems a bit....silly.  We are exactly the same number of rank grades apart now that we were when I first joined this crew."

 

      Ethan sits back down on the couch as she says "Yes, but we weren't friends then either.  I just don't want you to put your career in any jeopardy because of an inappropriate fraternization."  She hesitates a second and then adds "And what did you mean you hated it?  Why did you take it, then?"

 

       Briefly he wonders if telling her that he had already all but signed the death warrant on his career already would help.  "I didn't have a choice on taking it.  It's not like Atragon gave me a choice on the bloody matter.  And if I had known that you were suddenly going to be the cloaked one because of it, I would have told him to keep it."

 

       She blinks in surprise, both by the fact that he didn't have a choice and by the fact that he wouldn't have taken it.

 

       He sighs and says "As for my career, I don't think Starfleet has some sort of morals police running around making sure that Captain's don't become..friends with people.  It's rather counter productive since the Captain is supposed to be able to trust the crew and vice versa."

 

       She sighs "Damn it, Nick.  I'm attracted to you, and I don't know what to think about that.  And then you go and get yourself promoted.  Is 'friends' all you see here?  If so, then...I will feel really embarrassed, and I'll talk to the Cap...Admiral about a transfer.  If not..."  She sighs again before adding "If not, I don't know what to think about the situation.  We work together, and I don't want to jeopardize that working relationship."  She blinks, shocked with herself that she came out and said what she did.

 

       He blinks and takes a step back, not expecting her to have said what she did.  It takes him a few moments to find his voice.  His voice takes on a gentler tone then the half-exasperated one that he had been using "Do you think Starfleet was idiotic enough to not figure out what would happen if you stick people out on ships and outposts?"

 

       She replies "They expect that people will behave in a manner appropriate to their position, and that they will do their jobs regardless.  Else, why are we here?"

 

       He nods "Yes...and they trust their people to be able to do their jobs while still having personal lives...personal lives that can include the people around them.  We're not robots, Ethan, we're not devoid of emotions like the damn Borg."

 

       She frowns slightly, assuming that he saw her only as a friend.  "I'll talk to the Admiral when we get back to the base, and request that transfer.  Emotions shouldn't get in the way of doing the job we took an oath to do."

 

       He moves to sit on the couch and sighs in exasperation.  Part of him wants to leave, feeling that he's in over his head with this woman.  Another part of him wants to tell her to quit being foolish and a third part of him just wants to go out on a limb, kiss her full on the lips and see how she responded if only to get the situation decided once and for all.  He had been trying to determine where exactly his feelings towards her ran the last several weeks but that was when he thought he had time to do so.  Now...now for reasons she stated and reasons she didn't know about that time was running out.

 

       He reaches a hand towards her and gently caresses her face as he says quietly "You said that you were attracted to me.  What makes think that is one sided?"

 

       She swallows hard "I...you...you never said anything."  Even as she says it, she knows it's pretty lame since she never did say anything either.  She tilts her head slightly into the caress and smiles slightly.

 

       He smiles faintly "I didn't know what your feelings were for sure, I wasn't even sure of mine.  And I didn't want to push too hard out of fear that you would leave if I did...which is rather sad sounding admittedly."

 

       She nods and murmurs "I can relate to that.  So...Captain, now what?"

 

       He was going to tell her to quit calling him by his rank but the brush of her mind against his causes him to snap his mental shields back in place but not before she manages to sense that something was not right within him.  She asks "What's wrong?"

 

       His smile fades and he pulls back "Nothing, just something about the mission."

 

       She asks hesitantly "Classified?"

 

       Briefly he considers saying yes to that but he doesn't like lying to her.  "No...not exactly."

 

       She frowns and tilts her head to the side as she raises an eyebrow "You know something about this?"

 

       He sighs "It might be...better for you if you didn't know."

 

       "We're responding to an unknown signal from a neutral region of space...how could it be better to not have information about what it is that we're wading into?"

 

       "Because of what we're wading into.  And because not knowing versus knowing won't change the situation."

 

       "That doesn't make any sense, Nick."  She pauses, realizing what he said.  "You know something about that signal, don't you?"

 

       He shakes his head slightly "Like I said, it might be best for you if you don't know."

 

       "Why is that?  Does the Admiral know?"

 

       He hesitates on answering that which gives her the answer regardless as she asks "He doesn't, does he?"

 

       He shakes his head slightly and she continues pressing him "Nick, what aren't you telling me?"

 

       He frowns "Are you sure you want me to tell you?"

 

       "You recognized that signal, didn't you."  It isn't really a question so she adds "Which means you know the language...a language that isn't in the database, which means it's not from the Alpha quadrant..."

 

       He crosses his arms across his chest, waiting to see if she puts it together. 

 

       "It can't be the Borg, you wouldn't withhold that.  El-Aurian, or someone they know, then?"

 

       He leans back against the couch and regards her silently.

 

       "But why would you withhold that kind of information?  We'd find out when we got there...wouldn't we?"

 

       He shrugs slightly "Perhaps."

 

       "Unless you're planning to destroy whomever sent that signal..."

 

       A flash of anger shows in his eyes but he banishes it before saying "I am many things...I am not a murderer."

 

       She nods "Then why?  Why wouldn't we know?  Why would you keep it a secret?"

 

       His frown deepens "Let me say one thing first.  I am not going to tell the Admiral.  If you do, that's your choice to make.  As for why...the simple answer is the Prime Directive."

 

       She blinks in confusion "The Prime Directive?  I don't get it.  Why shouldn't he know if a pre-warp society is involved?"

 

       He sighs "If it involved a pre-warp society then it wouldn't be a problem.  It is not someone else that the Prime Directive applies to in this case."

 

       She frowns "Perhaps you should start at the beginning."

 

       "Very well...understand that the reason I am telling you is that I trust you."

 

       Over centuries of knowing secrets and knowledge that other races didn't and sometimes having to divulge said secrets and knowledge, the El Aurians had gotten out of the habit of coming out and saying such things directly.  "I'm fluent in five languages.  Four of them are native to the Federation.  The fifth isn't.  It's from a race that walked the stars long before your people or the humans or anyone else in the Federation ever left their home planets.  They were peaceful people, explorers and lore-keepers.  The last war that they had was nothing more then legend really that only the elders of their people had any real knowledge of.  Still, in a galaxy that is dangerous one does not neglect certain areas of technology.  Besides that same technology allowed them to visit worlds far away from their home, across distances that no Starfleet ship has traveled yet."  He pauses for a moment and his voice takes on a sad and bitter tone "And then one day, as if the Universe that had birthed them decided to abandon them, a very dark cloud descended on them, a cloud that was as ancient as them.  The cloud viewed them as a threat and so it tried to wipe them from the face of the Universe.  Even though their technology was beyond even the technology employed by that cloud, the cloud smothered them...killed them due to sheer weight of numbers.  It was all the people could do to hold off the cloud long enough for a scant few of their numbers to escape.  And in the end, their home planet was scoured of all life, a beautiful blue and green gem of a planet as beautiful as Earth or Betazed, reduced to a husk that would never support life again.  The cloud, thinking it had accomplished what it had set out to do then left."

 

Nick nods to the window "A few survived long enough to escape, they and their descendants even manage to live on if just barely.  And where we are going is one of the last remnants of those people."

 

       He watches as she realizes what she just said.  She murmurs "Your people....and they have technology that you don't want the Federation to have."

 

       "The distress signal is automated.  And not quite...technology that the Federation has no right to have...shouldn't have...not yet."

 

       She blinks "That we aren't ready for yet?"

 

       He nods "If my people had wanted to interfere with the development of the Federation we could have from the start.  Hell, we could have done it centuries before the Federation was even a glimmer in anyone's eyes.  We chose not to for the same reason that we didn't do so for all the other worlds we visited and knew of.  For the same reason that the Federation doesn't interfere with the development of pre-warp worlds.

 

       She looks closely at him as she asks "So, what is your intention regarding this mission?"

 

       He sighs "My apologies for being wordy and evasive.  My intention is to make sure that none of the others on the away team triggers the ship's systems.  I can't keep them from finding out about the ship, that would require me to physically keep them from beaming down to the ship...assuming it's still in one piece.  If the ship contains any..memory solids I would like to take possession of those."  He shakes his head "I intend no sabotage if that's what you're worrying about."

 

       Ethan cants her head to the side "I thought nothing of the sort.  I just trying to understand what your goals are so I can help you with them."  She smiles as she says the last.

 

       He arches an eyebrow, "Mind if I ask why?"  He then adds "It's bad enough I'm risking my career on this one."

 

       She maintains her smile "Just maintaining the Prime Directive."  She sighs briefly "Besides you're likely to need my help."

 

       "Possibly, but you might want to consider you're risking something that you may not want to risk."

 

       "What am I risking?  My career?  I don't really think so.  What would we be risking if we don't?  It could be a disaster for the Federation to receive technology that they aren't ready for."

 

       He nods slightly "True...and it's not only technology, it's also knowledge."  He sighs and shakes his head "This has been rather a heated debate among my mother's people."

 

       He closes his eyes "If I believed in a higher being, I'd swear he or she was doing this as a joke.  As a way to teach me a lesson about childhood wishes."

 

       She arches an eyebrow, "Oh?"

 

       He shrugs and smiles faintly "It was one of my wishes growing up to be on the bridge of an El Aurian ship, an operational one, just once.  A desire for a lost legacy I suppose."

 

       "We can only hope that this one will be operational."

 

       He shrugs "Perhaps.  Though part of me wonders if it might be best if it was reduced to scrap parts by whatever happened to it."

 

       "I might agree, if there weren't people potentially involved.  But back to the matter at hand.  How can I help?"

 

       He nods "True.  I'm not sure though.  I really won't know until we get there and see what shape the ship is in and if her crew is alive or not.  One thing you can do that will help would be to continue to do your job.  And act as something of a brake against me.  Suffice it to say I'm going to be anxious and probably more then a little nervous.  This isn't something that I thought would ever come up when I joined Aegis."

 

       She nods "I wonder why that would be.  And you can be sure that I will continue to do my job...though I won't, perhaps, argue quite as vehemently against your inclusion on the away team.  I'd say that you could trust me to get them for you without the rest of the team knowing but since I'd have no idea what to look for...I think you'll have to come along."

 

       He sighs "Yeah, I know.  Plus if there are any internal defenses or if the crew is somehow alive....."  He hesitates then switches subjects "Most of our ships were destroyed or lost during the Borg attack on homeworld.  There were some that ended up being unaccounted for.  Evidently this one is one of those ships.  We just assumed that they were destroyed by the Borg."

 

       "Given the lifespan, they could be alive even after this length of time."  She sighs sharply and continues "It would be sad if they lived all this time, only to die when the ship crashed."

 

       He nods "Though...I think it might be more likely that the ship crashed sometime shortly after the Borg attack.  Homeworld may be a very long way from here, especially with Federation technology.  However...El Aurian ships were quite a bit faster.  And that for some reason no one ever received a distress signal until now.  Granted, I'm not sure how possible that is."

 

       "Seems unlikely.  Though would the ship have automated systems to send a distress call if the ship crashed, even without conscious personnel?  Could they have just been drifting through space for all these years, and it only went off because they finally ran into something?"

 

       He shrugs "Possibly.  The signal could have been blocked by something for all this time or some change triggered it now.  Or it could be that the crew managed some form of stasis until now.  Or they're still alive and for whatever reason they couldn't signal before.  The possibilities you raised are just as likely and plausible as those."

 

       She shakes her head slightly "Well, we'll find out tomorrow, I suppose."

 

       "One way or the other, I suppose.  At any rate, any further questions regarding the crashed ship?"

 

       She shrugs "None that you're likely to have any answers to, I'm afraid." 

 

       He nods and his attentions turns to the windows briefly.  He starts to say "Per..." but he cuts himself off and frowns.

 

       She looks at him "Hmm?"

 

       He feels a blush crawling up the back of his neck as he says "It's nothing.  Was about the....earlier line of conversation.  It's not important."

 

       She frowns slightly "Then, I think it is important."

 

       He shrugs "Well, I did have a question.  It's more of a hypothetical though.  If we would have been..."  He pauses, searching for a word to use, "...involved and I got promoted to Captain would you have reacted the same?"

 

       She smiles faintly "I really don't know.  You could get demoted again, so we can find out."

 

       He chuckles softly "Like I said, I would have turned down the promotion if I could have.  It feels like one gold pip too many right now.  And I'd really hate to lose a close friend and..whatever the future holds because of it."

 

       She grins "So...get in trouble for something."

 

       He shakes his head and smiles "You don't think I might have already done that?"

 

       "Still, that extra pip is better on you than me."

 

       He smirks "Oh great, there goes giving it to you."

 

       She smiles "Nice try, dear.  I'm not sure I'm even ever going to make Commander..nor am I sure I want to."

      

       He cants his head to the side "Why would you think you may not make Commander?"

 

       She grins mischievously "Because I'm too much of a trouble-maker."

 

       He smirks "True, I can attest to that."

 

       "And here I didn't think you were ever going to notice."

 

       He smiles "Well...it took you acting like me to do it."

 

       "I think I'm not going to comment on that one."  She glances at the time on the computer display and sighs "We should both probably get some rest...we're likely to have a long day tomorrow."

 

       He nods "Yeah, I suppose we will."

 

       "Are you going to be okay?"

 

       He glances at her "Yeah, I will.  Why?"

 

       She shrugs "Just worried about you."

 

       He smiles "I appreciate that.  I'll be fine, promise."

 

       She nods "Good.  Good night, Nick."

 

       He moves to stand as he says "Just do me one favor, or at least attempt to.  Recognize that duty and the job is one thing but our personal lives can be separate."

 

       "I'll do my best.  Just don't get promoted to Admiral, okay?"

 

       He smiles again "I'll try not to.  Though I'd really hate it if you walk out of my life over, of all things, a promotion."

 

       She asks mischievously "Have you considered accidentally losing it?  Perhaps it'll get knocked off while we're on the away mission."

 

       He shrugs "Unfortunately, they'd just make me wear a new pip."

 

       "It was just a thought."

 

       "True...."  He hesitates a few seconds as he regards her.  She looks inquiringly up at him.  Finally he seems to come to some sort of resolution.  He leans over and kisses her briefly as he breathes "Thank you."

 

       She returns the kiss and smiles "Thank you, too."

 

       He smiles and says "Sweet dreams" before turning and stepping towards the door.

 

       She nods "I'm sure I will now.  Good night, dear."

 

       He stops and the door and turns back to look at her.  He smiles as he says "I'm sure it will be as well.  Don't stay up too late, cher."  That said, he steps through the door and he heads for his own quarters.

              

 

 

 

       

 

      

By: Captain Kania Ace of the USS Republic

&

Captain Nicholas Ayers of S.H. Aegis

 

Nick watches the small group in Drankum's for a while. A small smile of amusement plays on his expression as he watches them. Technically he should tell the Admiral about them but then as the Admiral had so recently informed him he was relieved of his duty. The Admiral simply would have to find out on his own as Nick was in no mood to do the Andorian any favors right now.

 

Nick's smile disappears when the female Bajoran says something to the rest of the group and then stands, heading for him. Nick turns to slip out of the bar and hopefully manage to disappear before the woman can approach. Unfortunately the crush of the patrons entering and leaving prevents him from doing so.

 

He's part way down the corridor when he hears "Excuse me, sir?" behind him. Nick hesitates and then finally stops and turns around as the Bajoran exits the bar and turns to walk towards him. His gaze floats momentarily to the Captain's pips on her collar.

 

He dismisses the guard as she approaches. She asks "Sir? Did you wish to speak to me?"

 

He turns his attention back to the Captain as he says "No, I didn't. I was just reacting to something I noticed about you and your compatriots. My apologies, Ma'am"

 

She gives him a puzzled look as she asks "Noticed?"

 

He frowns slightly, wondering how to phrase his response. "How to put this." He pauses momentarily before continuing "I, like the rest of my people, have a special sensitivity to changes in time."

 

Her eyes widen and a trace amount of fear shows on her face. He holds up a hand and says "Don't worry. I have no intention of doing anything to harm you or yours. You obviously mean no harm to my....er to the Station. I was merely exercising some curiosity."

 

She replies "No, that we do not. May I ask whom you are?"

 

He cants his head to the side "That depends. Do I get to find out the same information about you?"

 

She looks to the floor as she remembers the order to keep out of sight. "Lay low, stay out of sight until Blu and her team gets here," she thinks to herself.

 

She replies "That would also depend on whom you are."

 

Nick smiles faintly "Then perhaps it would be best if we do not inform each other who we are. We're both Starfleet, that's enough, yes?"

 

She wonders if she's been endangering the mission and briefly her thoughts turn to

Schawana. "Yes, yes of course."

 

He frowns slightly "Your secret is safe with me, Captain. And I..." His voice trails off as his frown deepens.

 

She looks up at him intensely and asks "Can you tell me anything? About the two crew that are being held in your brig." She hesitates slightly and then adds "Secret?"

 

He sighs quietly "The secret being the change in time concerning your people. And as for the two of your crew that are in the brig, I know they are there but that is all I know."

 

The earlier fear returns as she asks "My crew? How did you know that...all I said was crew before...who and what are you?"

 

"It was a conclusion. There would be no reason for you to ask about them if you were not in some way connected to them. And you asked about them in the same sort of tone I would have asked about them with if they were mine."

 

"But you can tell me nothing about them?"

 

He shakes his head "Afraid not. You would have to ask Admiral Meve for more information about them."

 

She sighs "Apparently my boss is doing that now." Her gaze drifts to a mother and child that passes them in the corridor."

 

He follows her gaze then returns his attention to her as his eyes narrow. Again a picture of Schawana appears in her mind. She says hesitantly "Umm...I better get back to my group, they may come looking for me."

 

He nods slightly and says "I wish you well, Captain." He hesitates, seemingly considering whether to say something else or not.

 

"Thank you, Sir." She takes a few steps away from him then turns back to look at him.

 

Nick hesitates for a second more then says "I hope you find what you lost as well." He turns to head down the corridor towards the turbolifts.

 

Somehow she knows that he knows as she replies "As do I...good day." She turns and steps through the doors into Drankum's, intending to rejoin her group.

Location: Lambda Aurigae System

 

Commander Damin stands on top of the small hillock and looks down at the uncovered treasure below. It had taken a few days to uncover the mysterious ship and now that it was nearly uncovered he can't help but feel a thrill of anticipation at finding out what lies within. He had been informed as to who it apparently belonged to and what had happened with regards to certain personnel on Skyharbor Aegis but that really wasn't his concern. This dark blue and gray skinned somewhat arrowhead shaped ship before him was all that interested him right now. His eyes trace from the pointed bow of the ship back along the right edge, past the somewhat thinner waist of the ship to the flared out wing that flows back into the aft section of the ship. Like Federation Starships, the apparently El Aurian ship was a mirror-image of itself if it was folded in half along it's long axis. Unlike Federation Starships, and most other Starships, the El Aurian ship doesn't have any visible warp nacelles. "Perhaps that's what the wings are for." Commander Damin thinks to himself.

 

His musings are interrupted by a young Lieutenant stepping up to him and saying "Sir, we've checked three times now. There are no visible openings into the ship. We can't even find so much as a scratch on her hull. And we've tried every conceivable way of gaining access including a bi-polar torch and cutting phasers. We've even considered explosives."

 

Damin frowns slightly "The report from Aegis indicated there were openings...holes really in the hull."

 

The Lieutenant nods slightly "Yes, I can only surmise that they were repaired somehow. It was indicated in that same report that this ship did have that capability."

 

Damin's frown grows as he looks down at the ship. For the first time, the Commander feels some trepidation towards the alien ship.

 

Damin shakes his head "The Captain will want to start preparations to haul this thing out of here soon. Inform him that we'll be ready to begin preparations for that shortly." The Lieutenant nods and leaves the Commander to his thoughts.

 

A few hours later several Starfleet recovery craft, used to retrieved crashed ships, are holding position above the alien ship. This time Damin is overseeing the procedures from the bridge of his ship, the Ambassador class USS Valdemar which is acting as the flagship of the Task Force. Any party crashers, even the Borg, are going to find themselves facing enough firepower, considering the make-up of the Task Force to give them serious second-thoughts to interfering with the recovery effort.

 

He watches the recovery craft lift the crashed El Aurian ship from the surface. He waits a few seconds before turning to say to his Captain "Apparently, things are going to..." In mid-sentence, every alarm on the ship goes off.. He turns back to the viewscreen to see that things are most definitely not as they should be.

As Nick steps onto the Promenade he slows his pace enough so that his shadow has time to close the distance between them. Once the guard had done so, Nick resumes his normal walking pace as he heads in the direction of Drankum's. Along the way he passes several people who would be able to recognize him if they saw him. He keeps his head bowed, allowing the hood of the jacket to cover his face. The last thing he needed right now was to be spotted and cause a scene.

 

Honestly, the guard wasn't necessary in Nick's opinion. He wasn't about to attempt to leave the station, that would be foolish. His only homes were Earth and the Station itself and if he absconded from the Station he sure as hell wouldn't be able to make it back to Earth. Of Nick's many dreams and plans for the future, being a fugitive wasn't one of them. And it's not like he could try and make it to Lambda Aurigae even if he wanted to. There'd be no way he'd get past that task force. Which rather shot down the far-fetched idea of getting back aboard the El Aurian ship. Nick smirks and mutters to himself "The only way that'd be possible is if it decided to somehow show up here." Nick shakes his head and dismisses that idea as foolish.

 

Despite the Admiral's opinion to the contrary...and the delusion of those above him, Nick was and still is a loyal Starfleet officer and nothing he had done had violated that. Like he had told Muon, he had been doing his job, not just engaging in a bit of duplicitousness designed to protect El Aurian secrets. Unfortunately, Ethan had been the only one to understand that and that she does so would be suspect in the Admiral's eyes. With a trace of anger, Nick thinks that the Admiral should know Ethan well enough by now to know that the last thing the Lt. Commander was going to do was let personal feelings override her duty. Just as the Admiral should have known that Nick wouldn't have done what he had done without bloody good reason.

 

As Nick nears Drankum's he frowns slightly and concentrates. He can't put his finger on it but there was something not...right in the vicinity of the bar. He raises his head enough to allow him to look at the faces of the people as he passes them by. He isn't sensing something dangerous, at least he doesn't think he is, but something was definitely giving off a wrong.....vibe.

Nick narrows his eyes when Meve makes the remark to Demore that Nick would be more then willing to translate the distress signal now. He angrily thinks, but doesn't say "When hell freezes over...Admiral."

 

Nick had suspected that this day would come when he had made his choice regarding the distress signal. It was something he simply accepted that he would have to bear, he really didn't have a choice on the matter. What he had done needed to be done, it was what was best for everyone, just as one doesn't give a Phaser to a child. His only regret on it was not being able to orchestrate it in a way that kept Command...and especially those Starfleet Intelligence goons out of it. Now they were likely to make life for his people very uncomfortable for a long while. Well, the Elders would be able to deal with it, it was one of the contingencies that had been prepared for in case this or something like it ever occurred.

 

Nick glances at Ethan briefly. Make that two regrets.

 

As Muon rides the TL to the CT, she wonders what the hell is going on.  She had just checked in with Ethan but her boss had said nothing about anything being wrong.  Acting Chief of Security, and Ayers confined to quarters the Admiral had said.  What in the name of the FCA could have happened?  Well, as much as she was hating it right now, it was her job to do as the Admiral ordered.  She would do the best she knew how.  She had pulled herself together by the time the TL had arrived at the CT but she was still a little shocked to see the scene waiting for her.  The Admiral with a bloody hand and more angry than she'd ever seen him, and Ayers, equally as angry. 

 

He hears the turbolift door open behind him and he turns to find Quark standing there, looking a little bewildered and confused. Nick removes the Phaser from it's holster at his waist and offers it, handle first, to Quark as he says "Lets get this over with, Lieutenant."  He waits for her to take the Phaser before he steps past her into the turbolift.

 

Muon nods and takes the weapon wordlessly and then steps aside so the Captain can proceed her into the TL. She quickly glances around the CT at everyone there and then turns to follow the Captain into the TL.  They ride the TL in silence and then exit on the Captain's deck.  Muon decides that it's now or never.....

 

       "Captain, will all due respect Sir, what the hell just happened back there?"  She asks bluntly, not knowing how else to be.

 

       Nick stops and regards Muon for a few seconds.  Finally he says, with some command in his tone, "I do not think it wise, Lieutenant, that you ask that question.  It might be best for you if you simply did your job and not tried to engage the....prisoner in conversation."

 

    Muon tilts her head and holds the Captain's gaze for a moment.  Finally, she shrugs.

 

    "Very well Sir.  I understand."  Muon reaches over presses the button to open the

Captain's quarters.  Her expression is neutral but inside she is concerned for the Captain and the Admiral and, of course, Ethan.  "If you need anything Sir, just let Andrews know." 

 

He considers for a second then says "What I did, Lieutenant, was my job. The Admiral wishes that I hadn't did it in the way that I did and those above him wish that I hadn't done it at all."

 

Muon nods, not surprised.  "Well, whatever IT is Sir, I know you had your reasons.  Give the Admiral some time.  He'll cool down and then you two can talk again.  Maybe even without someone getting hurt this time."  Muon joked lightly, remembering that the last time the Admiral and the Captain had argued, they had almost killed each other.

 

Nick steps through the door to his quarters and turns around to regard Muon again. He nods slightly "Thank you for the humor but I fear that last time the Admiral and I had the excuse of not being in full control of our minds. This time, though, there is no such excuse. He's angry and I can't say I blame him for that and I..."

 

He shrugs and changes topics "I'll let Andrew know if I need anything though I'm not sure I should trust him with taking Diamant to the holodeck for a walk."

 

    "Aye Sir, I will.  And I'll be happy to find someone to walk Diamant while this is going on. Good Night Sir."

 

He turns but stops and says "If you get a chance, tell Commander Haw.....Ethan that I am sorry." He sighs and shakes his head then says "Nevermind that, it's my responsibility. I'll tell her myself. Just watch over the Admiral and her, Lieutenant, I put them both in an unpleasant spot. Good night, Lieutenant and take care."

 

Nick turns and steps into the room as the door closes behind him. He steps into the kitchen area and pours a generous amount of bourbon into a glass. He walks back into the main living area of his quarters as he consumes the drink. He stares at the empty glass for a long while. The anger that had been clawing for release finally wells up and he whirls around and throws the glass across the room to shatter against the windows. As he watches the glass shatter he says in a supremely angry tone "Damn short sighted bunch of immature spoiled brats."

Location: Sky Harbor Aegis

Time: Shortly before the departure of the Pandora to investigate the distress signal

 

Nick tries to keep from letting his impatience become obvious to those around him. He had wanted to leave the prior afternoon but thanks to the Pandora's being delayed that had been impossible. He closes his eyes and before he can push it away, a memory comes rushing back.

 

"Cadet, you are expected to be cooperative in answering my questions," the SFI officer roars angrily.

 

The Cadet in question, a younger Nicholas Ayers, remains perfectly serene and calm despite the bluster from the other person in the small little office. He resists the urge to say "You can expect a lot of things but you're not going to get them all..." and instead replies "Sir, I am being as cooperative as I can. If you do not like the answers you are getting, perhaps it's because I am not able to answer them."

 

"Or perhaps it's because you choose not to tell all you know," the SFI officer, a man who Nick knew only as Lieutenant Parsons shoots back.

 

Nick folds his hands in front of him on the table and says calmly "Believe that if you wish. It's become obvious to me that I am unable to change your mind or your opinion. I will be taking my leave of you now..."

 

Nick starts to rise but gets forcibly pushed back by Parsons who snarls "You're not going anywhere until I say you can. Ever since your kind arrived here you have been even more secretive then the Romulans. For over a hundred years your kind has been that way and the only thing we've found out about your kind is that your physiology is near human, that your kind is long lived, that your kind is from somewhere far beyond the borders of the Federation and that the Borg destroyed your homeworld..or so your kind say. A lot of people over the years have wanted answers to a lot of questions and I intend, Cadet, for you to provide them."

 

Nick smiles faintly "What makes you think I have them? I am half human..in fact..according to how my "kind," as you say reckon age, I'm not even an adult. That society as a whole considers me one is merely because of mere happenstance."

 

Nick pauses and then says "Besides, even if I did have the answers you want..what makes you think I'd give them to you? You drag me out of class, you bar me in this room for the last several hours in what I would consider an...less then legal interrogation and all for what? What do you think you're going to find?"

 

"Information, Cadet. Your kind has been coming to this planet and others long before we ever knew of you. From what we've been able to piece together, your kind has been a spacefaring people for a very long time. We want the information on what you found that we don't know about, what could threaten the Federation and the technology we need to stop them."

 

Nick narrows his eyes and studies the Lieutenant for a long minute. When he speaks it is in a cold superior tone "In other words...you think that since my people have been laid low and cast from their homeplanet, you can use us as some sort of...living encyclopedia of knowledge. We are not things...tools...weapons for you to use, Lieutenant. And you have no right to even ask for what you're asking for. What, if anything, my people know is ours and it's our decision to share our knowledge or not as we wish. We will not assist you or your cronies to, in effect, graverob from us, Lieutenant."

 

Nick stands again and says angrily "For all the growing up that humanity has done in the last several centuries, it's become obvious that certain members of the human race have not advanced one whit past the 20th century. With all due respect to your rank, here I stand, Lieutenant, a Human and El Aurian half breed who's a citizen of the Federation in the 24th Century just trying to graduate out of the Academy, and there you stand, Lieutenant...a throwback to the Gestapo."

 

Nick sidesteps Parsons and opens the door. Before leaving he says "I'll give you a few words of advice, Lieutenant, and please take them back to your so called superiors. You..them...and the Federation still have a lot of growing up to do. Leave my family, myself and my people alone, Lieutenant. All we want to do is to live our lives and contribute what we can to the Federation. Good day, Lieutenant...I trust this conversation is over for now and all time."

 

Nick shakes his head slightly and banishes the memory. When he opens his eyes he finds himself still standing on the Bridge of the Pandora. In a voice tinged with the barest amount of remembered anger he says "Helm, prepare to depart."

Sometimes at night...we GMs gather around the gong and...

 

 

ooops!

 

 

Shh!

 

 

^_^

Grommy, you should know better then to make the Gong angry. :(

Ha ha ha ha...  :(

Now, May is a very fine month indeed despite the june jugs but still, of all the months April is the most august.

Heh, Moose is realy pumping these out this month. It seems as with my RL, alot of people I know are having birthdays.

 

Infact, there are only about 4 days during April that some one in my highschool isnt having a birthday, which is rather unusual, since with for grades, the highschool only consists of about 500 students.

 

Anyway, happy birthday fellow Aries, the man I want to have a BBQ with, and that guy that hurts my ears with the gaint gong.

 

PS Way to go A9 for actually giving him the ability to freak people out with a real gong.

Actually...the gong is Fred's doing. Muon sent it to me, I sent it to Fred, Fred put it up. Well as far as I know.

Nick stares at the recorded star-chart as it slowly revolves on the computer display. Though the language its information is contained in is not known to any Federation database, the map clearly has information on a large swath on systems that lie inside the Federation and the other known powers. In fact, it comprises nearly the entire known galaxy as well as star systems that lie well beyond currently explored space...space that the Federation wouldn't likely explore for years and centuries. If Nick was lucky he would live long enough to see some of that unexplored space. Of course, good luck was not something that had been in sufficient supply the last few weeks.

 

Nick frowns slightly as he continues to study the star-chart. A sense of awe and foreboding washes through him. Centuries ago, when his human ancestors were exploring Earth's oceans they had marked the edges of known territory with warnings such as "Hic sunt Dracones"...."Here be Dragons." And if the history of the still young Federation proved anything, it was that there were indeed "Dragons" out there beyond the edge of what was known and what was not known.

 

He taps a set of commands into the computer, instructing it to classify and encrypt the star-chart. He had already instructed the computer to do that with all other information gleaned during the Away team mission. He murmurs "Sometimes, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing," to himself as he does so.

As the clamshell doors open a faint and unmistakable smell wafts into the corridor...the scent of death. Even without the smell, the low lights and the near tomb silence give the room a decidedly eerie feel.

 

Nick steps through the doors and into the dimly lit room beyond. He finds himself standing on a Bridge not wholly unlike ones found on countless Starfleet ships.

 

Nick glances around the bridge, his gaze lingering on the desiccated bodies that are within sight. The bodies, barely more then skeletons are in various positions on the Bridge, some are sitting in chairs while a few others are stretched out on the carpeted floor.

 

Beyond the center well of the Bridge and dominating the Bridge by sheer size is a huge viewscreen that is faceted into three sections. The viewscreen curves as it follows the inner hull behind it. It is currently dark and appears to be powerless. There are also several large windows off to the sides.

 

Next his attention turns to the clusters of display screens and controls arranged throughout the Bridge. Some of them are powered and lit up with alien text flowing across their screens while others are darkened and damaged. The consoles are arrayed in clusters though one large one, arranged in a three-quarters circle stands alone off to the side of the forward Bridge. In front of it floats a spherical hologram. A second three-quarters circle console is set just behind and above the center well of the Bridge though there is no hologram floating before it.

Nick stares down the opening into the side of the volcano as he tries to banish his nagging impatience. Everything from the fact that he could feel the ground rumbling and shifting beneath his feet to the fact that he was used to taking the lead on away team missions was gnawing on him. The shift between what was expected out of a Commander and what was expected out of a Captain is not something that he had fully accepted yet and for the time being it was just one more thing he didn't like about his sudden promotion.

 

He waits a few minutes, giving Ethan and Escher more then enough time to reach whatever was at the bottom of the opening and to report back in. He reaches to tap his commbadge but halts the action in mid-move. An internal debate runs though his mind as he continues to stare down the opening into the ground.

 

He steps toward the opening and without a word starts descending down it. It takes him a few minutes to reach the bottom and find his way towards where Ethan and Escher are standing. He shines his light along with theirs and suddenly finds it hard to breathe.

 

Surrounded by the debris of a rock slide and the cooled igneous rock was what appeared to be the bow section of a ship. It seemed to appear out of the rock, much the same as Mount Rushmore or the Crazy Horse Monument back on Earth. The prow of it came to a sort of tapered and curved point. As the lines of it disappeared into the wall it flared out and widened considerably. Under the flashlights the skin of it glistened with a dark blue sheen and were it not for the ship's curved organic design, the skin would have appeared to be made from facetted crystal.

 

Nick stretches out his empathic senses before approaching the ship more closely. He stops a few steps away as he stares up at the ship. Removing one of the gloves he was wearing he reaches out and runs his fingers along the skin, tracing them along some lettering etched into the surface.

Nick stares at the viewscreen for a long minute as he tries to make sense of what he is seeing there. He had been expecting the Universe to drop several more shoes but this certainly wasn't one of them.

 

He thinks "As if...." He cuts off the thought and glances briefly at Ethan. For the last few days she had been treating him rather like he was somehow diseased and Nick had found himself at a loss as to what to do about it. Now, though, he suddenly finds himself glad for the distance. The problem of whatever was bothering her would wait...right now there were much bigger problems to deal with. And if her problem, whatever it was, wouldn't wait then really..that was unfortuante. It simply was going to have to wait for a better time. Nick cuts off the related pessimistic thought before it has time to form.

 

He takes a moment to reinforce his mental shields as he briefly thinks about how to deal with the situation. He lets his gaze sweep the others as he measures their reactions to what was on the viewscreen. To no one in particular he orders "Contact the Starfleet ships in the area and let them know we are responding to the signal. And then contact the Pandora and have them return to the Station at their best speed."

 

He returns his attention back to the viewscreen as he loses himself to his thoughts.

I like how "property" equated with "good" :)

Actually "Gut" is good, not property. The confusing one is Boese which either means bad, mad or evil depending. Property in German is "Eigenschaft." Anyways, the phrase is from Nietsche.

 

And thank you, A9. :(

Uhh, that's German for "Beyond of property and bad"??

"Beyond Good and Evil" actually.

All changes/requests complete

A9, can I get "Jenseits von Gut und Boese" added to mine please?

Sky Harbor Aegis

Time: 13 days after the arrival of the Klingons.

 

       Nick steps into the main room of his quarters, having gotten cleaned up and changed into some off duty clothes.  With station repairs well underway and the Station slowly regaining it's full complement of crew, Nick had managed to find some off-duty time. Not enough to let him sleep for a few days straight but enough time to allow him to get some rest before going to Drankum's to have dinner with Ethan.

 

       He steps towards the hallway doors as he brushes a stray lock of hair back with a hand.  He doesn't make it two steps towards the doors before the Computer says "Receiving transmission.  Encrypted private."  Nick frowns to himself, thinking that was a little too annoying of an application of Murphy's law.  He sighs and says "Fine, who is it from?"  The computer replies "It is from a Commander Ridire of the USS Reaent."  Nick sighs and steps over to the desk.  As he sits down he says "Very well, put it through."

     

       It takes a few seconds for his old friend to show up on the screen but it takes only a tenth of a second for the smart-aleck greeting that Nick planned to say to die even before it reaches his lips and along with it the smirky smile he was going to use as an accompaniment.  There were very few times that Nick had seen Aidan truly at an emotional loss.  Nick says in his best calm voice "I would say this is a pleasant surprise but then..judging by your expression this isn't going to be pleasant.  What's wrong?"

 

       Aidan swallows twice, trying to say the words that were dying in his throat.  Finally he says "I knew you'd want to hear this personally.  I don't know how busy you've been but as you might have heard the USS Cairo was destroyed with most of her crew dead.  Fi..she took that offer, she was on that ship."

 

       Nick knows the answer to his next question even before he asks it.  "Is she all right?" 

 

       Aidan shakes his head and says "No.  She died in the initial explosion.  It wasn't painless but it was quick."

 

       It takes Nick a few seconds to find his voice but when he speaks it is in a very different tone, one that was cold and dark.  "Tell me what happened...all of it."

 

       The tone in Nick's voice seems to have the affect of a slap on Aidan as his eyes widen and he looks in shock.  That expression disappears quickly at remembering how Nick took death personally.  After a few seconds Aidan nods slightly and begins explaining what happened. 

 

       Aidan's recounting takes a half hour making Nick nearly fifteen minutes late when he finally arrives at Drankum's.  By that time he's lost the zombieish look he had on his expression through most of the walk across the station.  It's been replaced by a carefully set mask.  Only the brief flashes of roiling emotions in his eyes betray the depth of pain and grief over the story told by one of his closest friends.  As he spots Ethan after entering the restaurant he does his best to strengthen his mental shields.  "Some things..." He thinks to himself, "...are best done alone."

 

       He reaches the table and she starts to say something but holds up a hand and says "My apologies for being late and my apologies for this but I thought it best to let you know in person.  I don't think..I know I am not going to be a good dinner companion right now.  Perhaps we can take a rain check on dinner?  Or we can forget about it if you wish."

 

       Slowly she shook her head, "I hope you don't honestly believe that you've fooled me.  I've been waiting for you because I suspect that, while you may not be a good companion, you need one.  If I didn't believe that, I would have canceled already.  If you didn't believe that... you wouldn't have come all the way down here."  She paused, almost switching to a telepathic mode of communication, but decided against it.  She wasn't entirely sure he would hear her the way his shields were locked in place unless she shouted.  "You pick the place, you pick the poison, but let me come with you, and we can drink a toast to the memory of whomever you lost, and you can tell me about him or her."  Again, there was a pause, "I happen to agree with the cultures that believe that so long as someone remembers them, the dead are never really gone."

 

       She stood up, hoping that her words would convey her honest wish to help him.  "So, my friend, will you let me be one?"

 

       He stands there silently for a minute, letting the internal debate within him rage.  Part of him wants to reject the offer out of hand, that really it wasn't her business and that he would be fine, eventually, on his own.  That's the same part that just wants to scream, both physically and mentally, primally and unshielded.  The deep dark part of his psyche that just wants to bury itself and him along with it in a cloak of shadows and prevent anyone from getting close again.  The part that saw living half a millennia or more as more of a curse then a blessing.

 

       He closes his eyes briefly and sighs quietly to himself.  He has a feeling that if he told her to leave him alone she wouldn't believe that was what he wanted and she would persist out of concern.  Or worse yet, she would take him at his word and...

 

       He reaches a hand out but lets it fall back to his side.  Instead he says "Very well, I'll tell you, in private.  Though I warn you, it is a long story...."  His voice falters before adding, "..a long tragedy."

 

       Inwardly, Ethan sighed in relief.  She could only sense a tiny fraction of what she usually could hear from him, but it was enough to know that he had been debating the answer.  Her fear was that he would have decided to hide within himself--inside his mind, and let no one in.  She had seen the effects of that road before, and in the long run it was generally not a good decision. 

 

       Nodding, she took a step towards him, "I've got time."

 

During the walk to his quarters he makes an effort to weaken his shields at least enough to let her be able to sense him.

 

He steps through the doors into the main room of his quarters and over towards the kitchen area as the computer brings up the lights. He says "Feel free to make yourself comfortable." He retrieves a bottle from a cabinet and pours a couple of drinks. He walks back into the main room and hands Ethan her glass. He remains quiet for a few moments after taking a seat at one end of the couch.

 

Finally he says "Her name was..is Fiona, Fiona Nashawryn, originally from Glasgow on Earth. A very intelligent, caring, charming and strong-willed person. Whereas I'm reserved and not open with people at first, she could walk into a room of strangers and have them feeling like they were old friends with her inside a few minutes. A perfect personality for a Doctor to have."

 

He takes a sip of his drink before continuing "I first met her when I joined the Venture, my prior posting before here, right after being promoted to Lieutenant which was a few months before the Battle of Wolf. Like I said, and as you've probably...as you have noticed, I tend to be reserved and keep to myself. It takes me a while to open up to people. It took time but Fiona and Aidan...Aidan Ridire were the ones I ended up being the closest and the most open with on the Venture. Aidan, like me, was originally in the Science department on the Venture and was the one to notify me about Fiona's death. He's the one that found her but...I'll get to that."

 

"The three of us became very close friends, inseparable really, and they understood me almost as well as my family does. The sort of friends that you keep in contact with long after you've gone your separate ways."

 

       Ethan listens quietly as Nick's story unfolds.  She can feel that he is, with effort, trying to let her back in.  It was obvious that it wasn't easy for him.  As gently as she can, she reaches out and does her best to help him.  As his shields relax, the depth of his pain is evident.  He has lost a piece of himself with the death of his friend, just as he has every time he's lost someone he was close to.  Ethan suspects that this is the major reason, outside of genetics, that he continues to be so reserved.

 

       She takes a sip of the liquid in her glass, sitting at the other end of the couch.  In the back of her mind, she wonders if she will ever cause him the same amount of pain, should something happen to her.  Turning her thoughts away from pessimism, she focuses once more on as he continues.

 

He remains quiet for a few seconds, using the time in an attempt to put a cap on the grief he's trying to keep inside. "They were the ones that I could talk to. And even without the benefit of being telepathic or empathic they knew what was going on inside me. It was them that watched over me at the Battle of Wolf, to make sure

I stuck to my duty instead of doing something akin to what Mogg did with Gabral."

 

"Time went on, we grew into our own with Aidan eventually becoming the Venture's Chief Ops officer and myself as her Chief Science officer. Finally a set of opportunities presented themselves. A few weeks after I received the offer to transfer here, Aidan received a similar offer for posting to the USS Reaent. Neither of us wanted to leave, that ship was our home. Still, the offer wasn't exactly something you turn down easily. And so, here I am."

 

"My choosing to come here was hard on me but she took it the hardest. When I left, Aidan hadn't decided yet and I took some time getting here so it wasn't until I was on my way here that I found out that he had also accepted his offer. He also told me that Fiona had applied for a transfer to the USS Cairo as an AMO. As that was what she was on the Venture and as she was second only to the CMO in the Venture's medical department both Aidan and I suggested to her that she would be just as well off career wise in remaining. She never told us why she requested the transfer but she gave indication that she would at least consider our advice. Unfortunately, Aidan had to leave before she made a final decision and she never did tell us that she had indeed transferred. Neither one of us knew until..."

 

Nick wipes away an errant tear before continuing "At about the time that we were dealing with the evacuation of Cardassia Prime, the USS Reaent, the ship that Aidan had transferred to, had been leaving Starbase 345 after having some shore leave. Unbeknownst to Aidan at the time, the Cairo was also there and had just left before the Reaent. A few minutes later she..the Cairo that is, suffered some sort of explosion. Most of the ship was destroyed and all but a few dozen of her crew dead. The entire senior staff was wiped out, everyone on the Bridge was also killed which is where Fiona was for whatever reason. In fact no one above the rank of Lieutenant survived. The Reaent was first on the scene and Aidan led the away team that surveyed the Bridge. He was the one that found her."

 

"I'm so sorry, Nick.  If you're like me, I imagine it's ever harder not to have been there.  Did they ever find out what caused the ship's destruction?"

 

Nick frowns slightly, wondering whether to divulge the feeling he had while Aidan recounted what had happened. The sense that not everything was as Aidan said, that there was more to the story. Nick knows Aidan well enough to know that his friend would never withhold information by choice, that it would take something extraordinary to make him shade the truth. Then of course there was the question of exactly how far he wanted to trust Ethan.

 

Nick shakes his head, dismissing that thought as puerile and beneath the both of them. "Officially it's still under investigation though officially they...meaning Command, thinks it was an accident. That it was some type of accidental explosion, like a plasma explosion. Unofficially..." Nick frowns "...unofficially there was something that Aidan wasn't telling me. It was just something I felt, something in what he was saying and how he was saying it that wasn't quite right."

 

Nick closes his eyes briefly "Maybe I'm just being paranoid, considering all that's been going on here. Or maybe I just don't want to be reminded that fate could be so capricious and arbitrary."

 

Nick opens his eyes and focuses on Ethan's concerned expression. He says with more then a little bitterness "And yes, part of what's tearing me up inside is the fact that I wasn't there. Same as Aidan. That I should have been there to protect her, to save her and I wasn't because of choices I've made, choices that led her...." Nick cuts himself off. What he was going to say was a thought that had been with him since he had found out about Fiona's transfer application. A thought that had found a much louder and accusatory voice since he had found out about her death. The same thought that he had seen in Aidan's eyes.

 

He stands and moves over to the window to stare out at the stars. Finding them cold and distant and not at all comforting he turns around and leans back against the window. He closes his eyes and his hands ball up into fists as he tries clawing himself out of the pit that his grief and anger were threatening to bury him in. The urge to just let loose, to scream is back, louder then it was before. He has always prized his control and yet, to let go is so very tempting right now. That control slips just a little when he slams his closed fists back against the window hard enough for it to be painful.

 

He opens his eyes and looks down at his hands. He says quietly "Perhaps you should go. I'm not sure what good could come out of being seen this way."

 

     She shakes her head sadly, her concern even greater than before.  "Tell me honestly, Nick... Is that what you really want?  Look me in the eyes and tell me you want me to leave, and I'll go."  Ethan could sense he was on the edge of losing control, but she didn't yet know him well enough to know if that was a good thing or not.  "You're blaming yourself for her death... but she wasn't a child.  She was a grown adult, and despite your choices, she still made her own choice."  She sighed, standing and walking over to the window just a couple of feet from him.  "I really don't understand the need of people to assign blame to themselves for the actions of others.  I suppose it's human nature, to need to blame someone.  But to claim that the person that took the action wasn't responsible for those actions... that belittles the person, I think.

 

        "So, again, I ask you, do you really want me to go?"

 

He sinks to a sitting position on the floor as he listens to her. Nick leans his head back against the window and regards Ethan for a few moments. He shakes his head "No, I don't. I do appreciate you being here more then I can put into words right now. I just didn't want you to think the worst of me."

 

He closes his eyes "And yes, I know that Fiona was an adult and capable of making her own choices and that she was responsible for them and that my guilt, at least most of it is misplaced out of grief but still some of it is mine." He sighs sadly before continuing "You have to understand, if Aidan and I hadn't left, she wouldn't have left either. Down in the deepest part of my heart I know that to be true and that is the same for him. I came here because of my career and for a personal reason. I could have had my pick of postings on other stations or other ships but none of them was this one. When I told her that, she thought the personal reason was because of a conversation I had with her a few months prior. I tried telling her it wasn't but she thought I was protecting her. I didn't convince her fully that it wasn't and I knew that when I left. I, perhaps arrogantly, thought things would work themselves out even if I left."

 

"And I know that if I had been on the Cairo by some fluke of chance there would have been nothing I could have done to stop what happened. My mind understands that fact but right now my heart hates that truth."

 

        She nods, understanding that sentiment.  She'd felt it often enough before.  Sitting down next to him, she reaches out, and takes his hand.  Neither of them says anything, for no words could have the power to decrease the terrible ache in his heart.  Ethan just holds his hand, simply being there to share his grief.