Capt Ayers

Place:

Office of Kiari Ayers, Professor

Oxford University, England

Date: Janurary 8th

 

Kiari looks around her rather cluttered office and sighs quietly to herself. With the new term just starting things had gotten a bit hectic and as a result things had also gotten a bit messy with teaching plans scattered among sheet music and concert itineraries.

 

"Mom, you almost ready to go home?"

 

Kiari turns at the sound of the young female voice and sighs quietly. "No, not yet Terra. If you want go on ahead. I need to tidy up a bit."

 

Before Terra can respond the computer display on the office desk beeps and lights up. Kiari sits down behind the desk just as the screen shifts to show a man who looks like an older version of Nick. Kiari smiles "Hello Kelain. You really should call your baby sister more often you know."

 

Kelain smiles briefly then it fades just as quickly "I wish this was just a social call. Did Nick contact you or come home for Christmas?"

 

Kiari arches an eyebrow "He called a few days before Christmas. He said everything was fine and that they were going to be taking a vacation so he thought he'd be out of touch until he got back to Aegis. To Pacifica if I recall correctly. Why are you asking?"

 

Kelain frowns slightly "So he's with Ethan?"

 

"Yes...what about her?"

 

"It's probably nothing, just have been doing a little digging with regards to Ms. Hawke. You alone?"

 

Kiari glances up to see Terra still standing there listening curiously. "No, Terra is here but noone else is."

 

"Good. As I said, I've done a little digging into Ms. Hawke's background. She is former Starfleet Security. Did quite a bit of undercover work. There is a chance that her assignment to Aegis..and her relationship with Nick is the same."

 

Kiari frowns "Don't you think you're being rather over-protective? Surely there would be no reason for Starfleet to be interested in Nick in that fashion. He would be able to tell..."

 

"Kiari, your son is young and love can make the young blind. And there was that incident with one of our missing cruisers a while back that involved Nick trying to keep Aegis and the rest of the Federation in the dark. And I know that some of the higher ups in both Starfleet Security and Starfleet Intelligence would have liked very much to have put Nick under arrest on some charge so they could interrogate him. I could be wrong yes but I would not put it past Starfleet Security to try something. Then there is the matter that an Intel officer, one Commander Amnor was recently on Aegis. She apparently also has some ties to Commander Hawke though I haven't been able to find out what exactly."

 

"I still think you're wrong. You've been in Intel a long time and you've always been protective of the family. Perhaps you're seeing ghosts."

 

"I'll agree. I'm most likely wrong and if I am then I will be the first to admit it. But if I'm right..."

 

"Even if you are if Nick finds out you've been digging into the past of the woman he loves he may never forgive you. If you're wrong he will be especially angry."

 

Kelain sighs and shrugs "I know. And if that comes to pass so be it. I will pay that price for trying to protect my nephew."

 

Kiari frowns "He can take care of himself, Kelain. Hopefully things will work out."

 

Kelain nods "Yes. I'll let you go. I imagine you have a lot of work to do."

 

"Yes, I do. Thank you for calling." Even though she says it politely there is barely a trace of warmth in what Kiari says to her brother before ending the call. She glances up at Terra and asks "So..what do you think?"

Nick frowns when Ethan says "I... it could have been us." over the comm channel. Even though the Pandora was still far enough way that he can't telepathically communicate with Ethan he knows what she is thinking. They had spent their vacation and honeymoon doing everything to regain and strengthen their emotional and mental connection, from mind melds to just talking to other means. The line that separated them emotionally and mentally had gotten a bit blurred as a result.

 

He knew she was thinking back to the pirate that caused her so much mental and emotional trauma..the one who's ghost had nearly kept them apart. He wanted to reassure her but he could hardly do that publicly and at the moment he couldn't do that privately. He says over the comm channel "Yes..I know." then pauses for a few seconds before adding "Commander Hawke, when you get back to the station, bring your report to my office." With that he turns and heads for his office, leaving Muon to handle anything else.

 

He enters his office and moves to sit behind his desk. He takes a few moments to compose what he's going to say then proceeds to issue a general advisory regarding the pirate attack to all Federation flagged starships operating within the Cardassian sector. When that's done he leans back in his chair and closes his eyes, turning his attention to exactly how he was going to tell his family about his marriage to Ethan.

Nick, in his sleep, finds himself back in what used to be his quarters on the Galaxy class USS Venture, the ship he had served on prior to Aegis. He glances around his room and frowns slightly, finding it both familiar and alien.

 

From behind him a familiar and emotion choked voice says "Nick, I love you. Why do you have to leave? Please stay.."

 

He turns to find Fiona standing there. But what she said wasn't addressed to him..well it was...but it was directed at the past him who is standing a few feet away from Fiona.

 

"Yes, I know what your feelings are, and that's part of why I have to leave. I love you but not in that way. You're a friend and that is how I love you. But as long as I stay your feelings will not change and you will not open your eyes to see the person that cares for you in the same way you believe you care for me. What I want, Fiona, is for you to be happy and I can't give that to you. Please try to understand." Nick watches tears form in Fiona's eyes as the past him says that.

 

She rushes into the past him and after a few moments of reluctance the past him wraps his arms around her as she sobs "But I don't understand, I don't want to understand why you can't stay..why you can't love me as I love you. Just please..."

 

The past Nick sighs sadly "Fiona, you've never understood the ramifications of what you want from me. You're two years younger then me and while right now we both look our correct ages but in time that will change. We both will grow older but I very much doubt that I look much differently then I do now in a century. And I think that will eventually become an issue for you that would drive a wedge between us. I'd be faithful but you may not be able to trust me on that. Nor is it fair to you that I can read your mind and you can't read mine. And that connection is something I want to be able to share."

 

"Your mother and father are..."

 

"Yes, I know and maybe it is me that needs to learn to understand but the simple fact is, Fiona, that while you can't help but feel what you feel...I can't help but not feel what I don't feel. I love you yes but as a friend, nothing more. I can't make myself fall in love with you and it's not fair of you to ask me to do so. Nor is it fair of me to stay here and you to keep on pining for someone you will probably never have. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the person that does love you."

 

As Nick watches, the past him fades from view. Fiona turns to him and says with cold sadness "You said it was me that didn't understand. You said that I didn't understand the ramifications of your lifespan." Fiona's voice takes on a tinge of anger as she adds "And yet you fall in love and marry a woman, who like me, will not live as long as you."

 

Nick frowns "I am sorry..I was wrong in what I said, that it was me that didn't understand. She taught me how wrong I was."

 

With that the dream fades and Nick wakes up gasping for breath and shaking uncontrollably. His hand reaches to his neck and he rubs the ring hanging from the necklace there as he tries catching his breath.

 

Ethan wakes, sensing his distress, and puts her arms around him. {{I'm here.}}

 

He turns on his side and tucks his head into the crux of her neck and shoulder as several tears slip silently down his face. He holds her tightly as if trying to hold onto something real, scared that if he doesn't she'll fade away. {{I'm sorry...}}

 

She isn't sure if he's speaking to her or the ghost from his dream, but decides to answer anyways, {{for what, love?}} She whispers quietly in his ear, gentle sounds. {{I'm not going to disappear... I promise you that.}}

 

He nods and slowly relaxes his hold on her a little. He draws back his head to look into her eyes. Blushing a little out of embarassment he murmurs "I didn't mean to wake you up. Didn't mean to..." He sighs quietly "...have that nightmare." {{I know you're not going to disappear. We have a long life ahead of us. I'm sorry..}}

 

{{You have no need to be sorry, Nick. And don't worry about waking me up.. I've done it to you often enough.}} She raises her hand, brushing it against his cheek and brushing the stray hair out of his eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

He closes his eyes and leans into her caress as he relaxes. He murmurs quietly "If you don't mind holding me for the rest of the night." He pauses for a few seconds collecting his thoughts as well as drawing some strength and comfort from her presence. He tucks his head against hers and sighs quietly. "Guess I have some niggling fears that I have to banish still. And I guess I still feel a little guilty over what happened with regards to Fiona and what I told her..and what I, at the time, didn't understand fully or correctly. And yet...if I understood then what I understand now..I wouldn't be here with you. Wouldn't know your touch, smell..the feel of you physically or mentally or the comfort and so much more I find in everything we share." He pauses and closes his eyes again. {{I'm sorry..I'm being a sap.}}

 

Ethan smiles gently in the darkness, keeping her arms tightly around him. {{You're allowed... on occasion. Would you feel guilty if she were still alive? You did what you felt right at the time.}} She smiles again, "That confirms that you aren't all knowing or perfect... must come from your father's side of the family. And love, don't worry about having fears. We all do."

 

He smiles briefly at her joke "My mom's side of the family is hardly perfect or all knowing." His smile fades as he considers her question. {{Perhaps a little. And yet I know what I did was right. Even without my being overly concerned about how long I will probably live I still did not love her..not in that way. That I couldn't change. I don't know..maybe even then I understood that I wasn't ready to acknowledge that I was wrong about that fear..that it would take time and someone else to open my eyes. And that I was just pretending to be noble by claiming that I was leaving because I knew that Aidan did love her. I do know that if I could go back the only thing I would change was to see to her survival. I would not change this right here. I belong here with who I'm with."

 

{{That much is true... You're in the right place with the right person for the moment. We'll worry about tomorrow when it comes. Try to sleep, my love, my husband. I'll be right here.}}

 

He leans his head back enough to kiss her warmly. {{I'm in the right place with the right person for the rest of our life together, my wife.}} Breaking off the kiss he settles his head on the pillow and closes his eyes. As he drifts off to sleep he murmurs quietly "Thank you, my love."

     It is late evening. The birds are chirping, and the wind is blowing.  On this small island, Nick Ayers and his new wife are 'forgetting themselves'.  Ethan smiles, running her fingers through his long hair, and closes her eyes as he leans down to kiss her.  Suddenly the wind turns chill, and all sound ceases.  Feeling something was wrong, Ethan opens her eyes. Above her is no longer the face of her husband, but that of an evil she thought was conquered. 

 

     Henry, the despicable pirate that had left part of his katra in her mind, was suddenly before her.  He reached to caress her cheek, as his gravelly voice whispers, "Did you think you could be free of me that easily?"  Ethan swallows hard, desperately trying to get away.  But he has her pinned.  The hand that a second ago started to caress her cheek now grabs her throat, "I told you that I would be your lover forever... Do you think you can replace me?!" His other hand pulls back and slaps her across the mouth.

 

     NOOOOoooooooooo! Ethan screams both verbally and mentally, thrashing, kicking, struggling to get away. She finally manages to get to a sitting position, as the nightmare fades in the light of the afternoon.  Still, she can't stop shivering, despite the warm sun.  He was gone... T'Loren assured her of it.  Yet, it seems so real.  She reaches a hand to her mouth where the nightmare had slapped her.  All she feels is her own skin, warmed by the sun.  Her throat, while tight from screaming, is fine.  It was just a nightmare.... It had to be.  But why can't she stop shivering?  A sob of despair tears from her throat, and she buries her head in Nick's shoulder, her body shaking.

 

Nick wakes up just before Ethan screams audibly and in his mind. He almost recoils from the loudness of both screams. He wraps his arms around her as she begins thrashing and kicking. He murmurs, both audibly and in her mind, "Ethan, calm down. You're safe. You're with me." She continues to thrash against him and one of her fingernails scratches him above his left eye, just enough to draw a little blood. He watches her sit up as he sits up as well. He wraps his arms around her tightly as she buries her head in his shoulder. {{You're safe, Imzadi. It was only a nightmare. It couldn't harm you.}} As he comforts Ethan or at least tries to, Nick privately decides that it was a good thing that this "Henry" was dead..or Nick would have killed him for what he had put Ethan through.

 

Ethan latches onto his thought of Imzadi, clinging even more tightly to him.  Slowly, the shaking subsides, and the sobs give way to quiet tears.  She almost starts to apologize, but thinks better of is, knowing it really isn't her fault.  {{Thank you}} she thinks softly after several minutes.  {{Did I hurt you?}} With a rueful smile, she looks up into his eyes, "Perhaps your idea of sleeping separately would be a good one until these darn nightmares go away..."

 

He brushes a finger above his left eye, wiping the few drops of blood away. He shrugs slightly and smiles {{Nothing that won't heal. I may have a couple of bruises as well. One of your kicks landed just above one of my knees.}} He kisses her cheek {{And no..we're not sleeping separately. In my arms is where you belong just as I belong in your arms. And we both sleep more peacefully together despite the occasional nightmare. Besides if we slept apart I still would have sensed your nightmare and I still would have ended up holding you like this. You are too much a part of me now, my love, and I never want to willingly choose to sleep apart from you.}}

 

Wearily, she nods.  {{We'd better figure out how to reduce these darn nightmares, though, or the doctors might start to figure things out.}} She comments in a small attempt at humor. Looking up at the scratch, she leans forward and gently kisses it.  "I am sorry I hurt you.  And the hot spring won't help a bruise, but the cool ocean water might.  Up for a swim?  I need to settle my nerves before we try that meld."

 

He smiles {{I suspect that the nightmares will go away on their own. And as for the doctors finding out..at least I didn't marry a Klingon woman.}} His eyes flash mischief as he says the last. With a bit of reluctance he lets go of her as he says "Yes, a swim would be fine. Though might make this cut sting a little but that's minor." He stands and offers a hand to help her up. {{Don't worry about that dream, love. At least it started right.}}

 

She blushes as they stand, walking hand in hand back to the beach.  {{Yes, I suppose that's true enough... though I'd prefer it wasn't just a dream.}} With mischief of her own in her eyes, she removes the shorts and tanktop covering her swim suit, then strides into the water.  Taking a deep breath, she dives under, allowing the cool water to bring her mind back into focus.

 

He removes his shirt and follows her into the water. He dives after her and they end up surfacing next to each other. He smiles and leans in for a kiss, one with a trace of desire. {{Perhaps later?}} He breaks off the kiss and murmurs mischievously "Considering what happened last time we swam here..which one of us is going to propose to the other this time?"

 

She smirks, {{Well, you just proposed something... and I think I accept.}} She glances down through the clear water, feeling a small fish brush against her foot.  "How's your knee feeling?  Think you can make it to the bottom?"  And with that, she dives again, aiming for the sandy bottom of the ocean.

 

He kicks and dives down into the water, quickly catching up with her. {{I'm well enough to keep up with you, my wife.}}

 

Late that evening finds him gently running a hand through her hair as he listens to her sleep peacefully.  She wore herself out in performing the mind meld earlier, but it had worked. The link is reestablished, bringing them closer mentally than ever before. He chuckles when she murmurs incoherently and snuggles tighter against him.  He draws the blanket tighter around them before turning his attention to the stars above.  For a little while he watches the stars path across the sky before drifting off to sleep himself.

Nick wakes up groggily, not having one of the best nights sleep he's had. He had slept on the couch instead of sharing the bed with Ethan. He had a suspicion that if he had tried sleeping in the bedroom with her that she would have been the one sleeping on the couch and he was too much of a gentleman to allow that. They hadn't said a word since what happened the night previous and he had decided to leave her alone until she was ready. Stepping into the schooner's kitchen he makes a quick breakfast then heads top side.

 

Before going to sleep he had sailed the schooner to a small uninhabited island and weighed anchor in a cove there. He drops a ladder into the relatively calm ocean then steps over to a bench and leaves his shirt folded there. He hesitates a second then also leaves his necklace laying on top of the folded shirt. He steps back to the ladder but instead of using it to climb down into the water he instead dives into the warm water. He remains under water as long as he can hold his breath, only surfacing when he feels like his lungs are about to burst from lack of oxygen. He shakes his head quickly to get his wet long hair out of his face. Taking a deep breath he dives under water again.

 

From her vantage point on the island, Ethan watches Nick dive repeatedly into the deep water. She had woken very early, while it was still dark, upset by her actions the previous day. In truth, she had hardly slept. WHY, she kept asking herself. Why did she react that way? What was she afraid of? She has no answers, for herself or for him. She is tempted to write it off to the lingering affects of her recent 'ordeal', but.. while she knows that is part of it, that isn't the answer to everything.

 

So, she had gotten out of bed, quietly dressed, grabbed a ration bar of sorts, and climbed over the side of the boat. Now, well back from the beach, she sits, watching Ayers in the water. As he comes up again, she smiles, watching his long hair flow into his face again. Deep in Ethan's heart, an unfamiliar emotion starts again to appear. Perhaps that is the problem--she hadn't felt this particular emotion in well over a decade--well, until the last few days. And it scares her. This emotion is desire. She wants him. She wants to be with him. But is she capable of that anymore? She is afraid of hurting him...

 

Yet, yesterday he had mentioned a ring. Had he been referring to marriage? She thinks so, but she isn't entirely sure. If he had been, why didn't he just ask her then? Closing her eyes, she slaps her hand against her forehead. Was he waiting for her, knowing that in Betazoid culture, it is typically the woman that does the asking? Ethan wasn't raised 'Betazoid', however.. her father is Betazoid, but her mother is human, and she was raised on Earth. Still, is he waiting for her to ask? Or is he simply as nervous and unsure as she is?

 

Well, there is only one way to answer all her questions. She stands, and walks towards the water. Not caring that she's still dressed in shorts and a tank top, she wades into the water towards him. After a short distance, she starts swimming in his direction. The clear water allows her to see him as he begins to rise. She stops just a few feet from where he will break the surface.

 

He had known she was on the beach and was watching him. Even if he had not wanted to sense her, even if he had put up all his shields he still would have known. She is too much a part of him for him to shut her out that completely, too much a part of who he is and too much a part of what he wants out of life. He senses her wade into water and he watches her approach from underwater. Finally he swims upwards, surfacing a few feet from her. As he catches his breath he watches her curiously and quietly. After what had happened last night, the next move was hers. Perhaps he had been premature with the gift and if that was the case he wasn't about to repeat the mistake.

 

"I'm sorry," she begins, treading water beside him. "The way I reacted yesterday... It wasn't you. I... just got a little scared. I haven't felt this way about anyone for a very, very long time. Heck, I'm not sure I've ever really felt this way about anyone else. I ... want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you. I'm afraid I can't... love you the way I should. Even with his katra gone, I'm so afraid he still has won."

 

He shakes his head slightly and smiles, "There's nothing for you to apologize for. The only way he wins, Ethan, is if you let him win. If you let yourself become afraid and that prevents you from trying to attain what you want. I know you better than that, you're too strong and too much of a fighter to let that happen. I trust you not to hurt me but you are going to need to trust yourself as well. You're going to need to deal with and set aside that fear at some point, my love." He brushes a hand against her face before continuing "Just as I had to decide whether I was going to let my fear concerning my probable lifespan control me or not. If I was going to let it keep me from what and who I wanted or not. I can't say yet that I've banished that fear completely but I do know I don't want to be alone because of it." He leans in for a gentle kiss before murmuring "I will wait for you to decide, no matter how long it takes."

 

She nods. He's right, and she knows it. "You're right... except maybe about the

strong part. I don't feel so strong lately." She smiles, "except when I'm in your arms. Then, I feel safe, strong, and able to take on the galaxy." A small chuckle escapes her lips. A wave washes past them, shoving her forward slightly so that she is right next to him. She sighs briefly, "Even the waves are conspiring... Fine... Why fight it, right? Who am I to resist fate... especially when it's what I think I want... what I'm sure I want." She pauses, taking a deep breath. Her hands trembling, she asks, "Nick Ayers, will you marry me?"

 

He blinks in some surprise, not having expected that. For half a second he's sure he's heard her wrong. And for that half second a voice in the back of his mind tries telling him that its too soon for that step even if it is what he wanted most of all. Another wave comes in, pushing them closer together. The voice urging restraint dies away as he kisses her, putting all his feelings into the kiss. He murmurs in her mind {{Yes..yes, of course I will.}}

 

She kisses him back, with every fiber of her soul, her hands wrapping around his neck, and her fingers entwining in his hair. She heard that instant of concern, and asked back, {{Are you sure?}} She leaned back slightly to look into his eyes, "I mean.. I want to, but.. you seemed a little unsure there for a second. If you'd rather wait...." She trails off again, hoping that he doesn't.

 

 

He slips his arms around her and gently pulls her against him as they kiss. He smiles when she asks if he's sure when she breaks off the kiss. He nods and murmurs "Yes, I'm sure. Was just a little surprised and you do have to admit we are kind of jumping into it." He brushes his lips against hers before continuing "But I am tired of hesitating, of waiting. This..you are what I want most so yes..I am sure, more sure of it then anything else."

 

{{Jumping into it? Despite what I said yesterday, I don't think so. While we haven't been physically intimate yet, we have been in each other's minds, and some would say that a mental and emotional connection is more important than a roll in the hay.}} Grabbing his hand, she starts kicking her feet back towards the boat, "I'm turning into a prune out here... not to mention, I don't have my suit on." {{So... I'm afraid I don't have a ring for you.}} She smirks at him. {{But then I don't need one myself. No mere jewel can compare to having the link back. So, now for the next 'big' question: When?}}

 

He reaches the boat first and climbs up the ladder before helping her. He steps towards the bench and retrieves his necklace and slips it around his neck. He reaches for his shirt before turning back to her. He shrugs slightly and smiles {{I'm not sure on when. We could while we are here or we can wait. I suspect that either way our families will want a ceremony they can attend, I know mine will. I do know that you're going to have to go out of your way to persuade me to agree to a Betazed style wedding though. I do have to admit that having it while we are here does have a certain amount of appeal if only because with the way we don't get vacations it may be a while before we could have a ceremony back on Aegis or wherever and the honeymoon..presuming you want one. And the only ones that have to be at our wedding are you and me.}} He pauses as he starts to pull on his shirt. {{And you're right, our mental and emotional connection is more important than physical intimacy. Still, I was rather enjoying that kiss.}} As he says the last he mentally smirks. {{And while a ring isn't necessary I am going to get you one. I want to and had been intending to buy one and ask the question sooner rather than later .}}

 

She laughs out loud, and continues laughing for several moments. "Out.. of my way??" She says this, then just starts laughing all the harder. It's nearly two minutes before she can get herself back under control. "Love, I have NO desire to have a Betazoid wedding. NONE whatsoever. Never have. Though don't tell my grandmother that... My father is the Betazoid one, not my mom. She managed to avoid one, and so will I... much to the annoyance of said grandmother." She stifles another giggle before continuing. "So, you want to elope while we're here? I'm not sure my parents would like that... but then they aren't the ones getting married. They'd understand. Or, we could cut the sail short, take the runabout to Earth, kidnap our parents, and 'elope' there..." She grinned at him. {{Then we can come back here for a couple days for the honeymoon.. or just honeymoon on Earth somewhere? But yes... after that kiss, you can be sure I want one.}}

 

He steps into her and slips his arms around her. He leans down to gently kiss her earlobe, {{Well if we are going to..elope why don't we just do so while we're here without bothering with going back to earth and all that. It'd take a couple days to get there and back and we only have 12 or so days of vacation left already. Besides if we go back to Earth then we'd have to explain and I doubt we'd be able to get away for a honeymoon while we're there or get away to come back here.}} He shrugs gently and murmurs "And truth to tell, I'd like to spend as much time as possible alone with you. It was the intent of this vacation and I don't think that should change just because we have made it more then it was originally intended."

 

She shivers lightly at his kiss. {{Yes, perhaps here would be for the best... Since we have this boat and all for our honeymoon.}} She has to giggle again, though, as she asks, "You know.. the admiral is probably not going to like this.... if we tell him, that is. We could knock a hole in the wall between our quarters, and just not tell anyone." She smiles with a wicked twinkle in her eyes.

 

He chuckles softly "No, he probably won't like it. However, his approval is hardly necessary or wanted. And if we did knock the wall down that separates our quarters I suspect that someone will find out unless you're planning to never have company over for something." He smiles mischievously and adds "Though would be nice to have a quite large suite of rooms. Well whatever we do we will need to decide on if you're going to move to my rooms or vice versa unless we do knock down the separating wall." He pauses slightly then adds "Our rooms now." He glances back towards the aft end of the ship {{Perhaps we should see about getting back to port. Or did you want to stay here for a while longer?}}

 

She shrugs, {{We'll be back soon enough, if we get going...}} She helps him set the course back to the main port that they had set sail from only the day before. {{You know, I'm sure a couple tasteful and carefully hung tapestries could disguise things... Not that we really have a reason to keep it from the crew. I just don't want to complicate things or have a whole lot of 'opinions' and 'comments'! Our life is our decision. It's none of their business...}} "At the same time, to keep Muon in the dark seems.. unkind." She sighs briefly, then snuggles up against him. "We've got a few days to figure it out, I suppose." She glances at the clock, "It's only 0900 hours. Do you want to shop for rings first? Or wait until later?"

 

He smiles and rubs her back gently after tightening his arms around her just a bit. "We probably should see to the rings first and then can find a justice of the peace or a minister or whoever can officiate." He pauses then adds "As for how we'll arrange our quarters when we get back to Aegis, I think that discussion can wait until later if not for on our return trip home. At any rate, it will take some time to get back to port so how should we spend that time?" {{And yes, to keep Muon out of the loop does seem a bit unkind but she doesn't need to know right away. And I'm quite sure T'Loren will need to be told or she'll find out on her own at any rate.}} He chuckles {{First time I met her she jokingly thought I was proposing to you.}}

 

She nods agreement regarding finding rings. The time to the port passes quickly by, and soon they are helped to tie to the pier. Holding his hand, Ethan steps carefully onto the dock, and they set off to find a merchant region.

 

It takes them a few hours to find a pair of matching rings. Nick almost feels sorry for the salesperson because the conversation in which they were deciding on rings was entirely telepathic, as if they were only letting in the outside world by virtue of necessity. Nick could sense the salesperson getting somewhat exasperated as they would ask to see a pair of rings and then not even talk audibly from there as they decided to buy that pair or ask to see another pair.

 

Having settled on tasteful, but relatively simple rings, they proceed to the local judicial building. They have to wait a short while, and fill out some basic paperwork, but within the course of two hours, they are standing before the Justice of the Peace. Neither was dressed particularly fancily, but the bride was wearing the necklace recently given to her by the groom. When the judge comes to the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part, Ethan has to smile. Who was here to object? Still, she glances at the door, before looking back at Nick. They both say "I do," and the pronouncement of "Husband and Wife" is made. She shakes both their hands after the traditional kiss, and says to the witnesses, "I present Mr. & Mrs. Nicholas Ayers."

 

Ethan does a quick double take, then looks at Nick. {{Umm... that's one thing we haven't really discussed, is it.}}

 

He shakes his head slightly {{Probably would be better if you continued to use your..maiden name.}} It seemed a little strange when he thought that though not in any sort of unpleasant way but it had been a rather whirlwind last 24 hours. {{At least until we have a more formal ceremony though if you want to continue to use that name I'm fine with that. It's your name and your choice.}} He smiles and kisses her again {{And perhaps we can get back to the boat and the rest of our vaca...honeymoon? It will be over all too soon...}}

 

{{We can figure it out later. There is a lot to decide, but right now, there is only one place in the galaxy that I want to be. In your arms, on that boat. Shall we, my.. husband? That'll take some getting used to...}} She smiles as they walk back towards the boat, and set off on a new voyage.

Nick blinks opens his eyes and finds himself staring up at a perfectly blue cloudless sky. He looks down to find that he's laying on a blanket which is stretched across a small part of a grassy hill. The hill overlooks a small village, the prime feature of which seems to be a gothic style church in the middle of town. People mill about in the village in what could be considered a rather idyllic scene.

 

An open picnic basket and several empty plates speak as to the purpose of his being there. He then turns his attention to the person, Ethan, curled up beside him. She's sleeping peacefully with her head resting on his shoulder and her left arm draped across his stomach. He listens to her mind wander in her dreams for a few minutes before a glint of sunlight draws his attention to her left hand. He frowns in some confusion as to the ring on her ring finger and its then that he notices that he's also wearing a ring on the ring finger of his left hand.

 

Nick closes his eyes again and waits for sleep to claim him once more. He more senses then feels the shadow fall across him and a soft buzzing grows in the back of his mind. He opens his eyes and gasps when he finds himself looking straight up into the underside of a Borg cube which is settling into a low orbit above him. Even before he can wake Ethan or otherwise react a green energy bolt lances out from the Cube and strikes the village followed by several more blasts that get closer to the hill. With one final blast everything goes black.

 

Nick wakes up gasping for breath and shaking uncontrollably. He looks around, expecting to see Borg drones, but only finds the darkened main room of his quarters onboard Aegis. He tries to sit up but finds he can't. He glances down to find Ethan sleeping quietly against his side, situated against him more or less exactly as she had been in his dream. He stops trying to sit up, not wanting to wake her. Gently he brushes a finger against the side of her face before sighing quietly and settling back against the couch, trying to relax. Finally he closes his eyes again, hoping that if he falls asleep again he dreams a better dream then that last one which turned into a nightmare.

Note: Occurrs before the Loss of Hope, Sense of Loss and Shadowplay logs

 

Nick reaches down and scratches Diamante behind the ears before turning his attention back to his breakfast. The dog sits up and puts his front paws on the thigh of Nick's left leg and whines. Nick glances down at the huskey and says "I already fed you so don't think your begging is going to get you anything." The dog continues to whine and Nick ignores it for a couple minutes. Finally he rolls his eyes "Oh very well you greedy little pest." He takes a piece of bacon from his plate and offers it to the dog who hungrily snaps it up. At that moment the door bell rings. Nick frowns slightly and glances at the door before saying "Enter."

 

Megan saunters into the room, smiling, looking rather at ease. "Good morning, Captain Nick. I hope you don't mind if I join you.. I didn't have much time to eat this morning..." Without waiting for a reply, she orders a few items from the replicator and brings a rather substantial breakfast, especially for someone her size, to the table. "Nice pup," she says, noting Diamante. She immediately finds something on her tray for him. Removing her uniform jacket, she tosses it on a chair, leaving her sidearm exposed in its holster under her left arm. "So, then, I hope you have the whole day off...."

 

"His name is Diamante and please don't feed him too much. He's spoiled enough. He was a gift from the people from my prior posting." As he says that he frowns briefly, thinking of Fiona. The frown disappears and his expression becomes inscrutable. "And yes, I have the day off. Commander Amnor is aware of the..situation and I'm quite sure she can handle whatever comes up. As for any other preparations..they are yours to outline."

 

"Hello, Diamante... Are you spoiled? No? I didn't think so. Your person, however... that's another matter entirely," she says, scratching the dog's ears, and slipping him a little toast. Looking back up at the Captain, she smiles again, "You do realize, if we're in here... alone... all day... people are going to talk." She pauses, just for dramatic effect, then continues, "But to heck with them. Okay, first, you need to identify the memories you want to supress... We should probably make a list, to be sure we don't miss any. I'd hate to get all the way back to the ship just to have you realize you forgot one."

 

Nick smiles briefly "Lieutenant, I'm half El Aurian which means that I am a member of a race known to be secretive. Which has breeded a certain amount of curiosity about us. And I am a line officer and the Commanding Officer of this station, both of which are exceptions among El Aurians who serve in Starfleet. And I am romantically involved with the Executive officer of this station so lets just assume that I'm not really that concerned with what other people think. As for what they think..I know myself. While I think you would be an..interesting path to explore the fact is that while I am involved with someone else I am not..to continue the metaphor..inclined to explore other paths no matter how interesting it may be. I mean no offense..I simply don't want to give Ethan a reason to try and kill me nor do I want to deal with that guilt."

 

He pauses to finish chewing a bit of egg before continuing "I'm not asking for my memories to be suppressed. I just want my ability to shield them if need be to be strengthened. I don't want to forget them even if I could, they are part of who I am. As for which memories, my memory of the incident in the transporter room obviously. And my memories of the Battle of Wolf and the destruction of my people's homeworld." He smiles again "And don't worry about me forgetting to mention one. I can remember how tiny my brother and sister were when I first saw them shortly after they were born as clearly as I can remember the first time I ever made love as clearly as I will remember you sitting there eating your meal whether its tomorrow or five hundred years from now."

 

Megan's grin becomes even broader, "The first time you... Well, now THAT would be an interesting memory to see... Perhaps I'll have to ask T'Loren if she's got Ethan's side of it...." She chuckles, watching to see if she can at least make him blush a little.

 

Nick should have forseen that one coming. He concentrates on eating the remaining egg as he tries to make sure he doesn't blush or cough at what she said. He was fairly sure she said that to throw him off balance and he wasn't going to let her have that satisfaction. When he's swallowed the last of the egg he turns his attention back to her. He holds his fork up, pointing the tines in her and says with perfect equanimity "Did I mention Ethan in what I said?" He pauses slightly then says with a faint smile "Besides, even if I was referring to Ethan..and assuming T'Loren somehow had the memory..what makes you think she would tell you? Would be rather disrespectful of Ethan and my privacy would it not?"

 

"OOoooo... so it wasn't Ethan??? Does Ethan know you've been messing around before her??" She smiles again, then sighs, "Okay, let's get to work. So, you just need work on strengthening your shields? I'm not sure I can do much for you on that, to be honest... You want to be able to recall them at will, but not let Ethan see them? I have to be honest with you, Nick... I don't know that you can do it. Not if Ethan is as strong as I've heard from Paradox, and you aren't a natural strong telepath."

 

"I am aware of Ethan's telepathic abilities in regards to their strength. She's managed to pierce my shields before. However, it would not hurt to make the attempt, yes? I'm not quite so worried about the memories other then the ones that concern the incident in the transporter room. And as you said, Ethan will be given..book knowledge of what happened." He shrugs "I guess I would like a little more control over the darkness, so to speak. I don't know why what is in my head would affect her necessairly but if you had asked me a few weeks ago if I though that there was a giant statue floating around messing with people's heads I would have said no I didn't think such a thing was probable." He shrugs "I know I may be asking the impossible and my apologies for that."

 

Megan sighed, "I can't change the essense of who you are, Nick. Neither can you. As you say, the darkness is part of you. You can't turn it off. I'm not even sure you can put it behind a door. I think the best we can hope for is to improve your ability to shield... regardless of which memories they are. If you're ready?"

 

Nick finishes off the last of his breakfast before standing and proceeding to clear the table, including her dishes. "If you will give me a minute or two to clean this up and then to also put Diamante away. I doubt it would be a good idea to let him roam around in here while we're..elsewhere." As he ushers the dog to the other room he says "Mind explaining what this is all going to entail? I know the broad strokes, yes."

 

"Well," she begins, all traces of her previous flirtatious nature gone as she settles down to the task at hand, "You're going to make the best shield you can... and I'm going to tap at it, and try to break it. As we find the weak points, you can improve them. And then we start over, and do it again."

 

Nick returns to the table and sits down. He settles back in the chair and relaxes, clearing his mind of all thought. Closing his eyes he concentrates on the task of strengthening his mental shields. As he does so he recalls his memories of the Battle of Wolf as well as the Borg attack on his people and the incident with Ethan in the transporter room. He puts extra effort into shielding away those memories. It takes some time and effort but he does so. He slowly opens his eyes and watches the Lieutenant, waiting for her to begin her part of this. He starts to wonder what it will feel like to have a relative stranger trying to rummage around in his mind but he quickly dismisses the thought as a distraction to what he needed to do.

 

Similar to her time on duty as a Marine, Megan is 'all business'. She waits patiently, while he puts his shields in place as strong as he can make them. She listens passively, as she does most of the time, until he opens his eyes. Then, quietly almost as soft as a whisper or the falling of snow, she touches his mind. The exceedingly gentle touch taps at his shields, prodding here, poking there, but never with much force. After some time of this testing, the touch gains strength almost palpably. "Here," she says.. or thinks, as she pokes harder at a weak area. "And here," comes the thought, stabbing hard at another weak area.

 

Then, as sudden as the stab, Megan withdraws her presense, so as to not violate his thoughts beyond the shields. Her touch withdraws entirely, light as a feather. She stands, and orders a high energy drink for both of them. "Good. Drink this," she says handing him one and taking a sip of the other, "then we will try again."

 

It is several hours later when Megan calls it quits. "You're tired. I'm tired. Get something to eat, and get some rest. You're making good progress. We will work again tomorrow." Standing, she retrieves her jacket, and tosses it over her shoulder. Nodding once, she smiles, "See you tomorrow.. handsome." And with that, she exits his quarters, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

 

He murmurs a quiet "Thank you" as she leaves. He frowns slightly, staring at the door as it closes behind her. Sighing quietly he finishes the drink in front of him before standing and heading for the bedroom. She is right, he is tired and a headache was starting to form. As he enters his bedroom he slips off his uniform top and crawls between the covers. He murmurs tiredly "Hopefully tomorrow will bring some real progress." How was he to know at that time, tomorrow was going to be rendered moot.

Muon arrives on the CT and glances around.  She notices that the Captain has not arrived yet.  "Computer" beep "Location of Captain Ayers?"

 

The computer replies by saying that the Captain is in his quarters.

 

"Quark to Ayers, please respond."  After several other attempts to contact the Captain, she starts to get a bad feeling.  Muon decides to turn over the CT to Brown and go find the Captain.  Quickly she enters the TL.

 

"Command Staff quarters," she barks to the TL.

 

Exiting the TL, she walks briskly down the corridor to the Captain's quarters and chimes.  No response.  She chimes several more times with still no response. 

 

"Computer, security over ride on the Captain's quarters.  Authorization Quark, hotel echo 5 9 7 2.  Open the damn door now!"

 

Two seconds later, Muon was inside......

 

"Captain?"

 

The lights are low in the quarters and a sad somber song is playing softly. Nick is curled up on the couch absentmindedly stroking Diamante's head. Diamante raises his head to look at Muon and woofs softly but that is the only reaction the dog has. Nick glances at Muon as she enters but it's with a blank expression and blank eyes, as if he doesn't really register her presence at all. Without saying a word he turns his attention back to the dog curled up next to him on the couch.

 

"Captain...what's happened?  Are you sick?  Do you need me to call sickbay?"  Fear is started to seat itself inside her belly now.  Without really knowing why, Muon understands that something awful has happened.

 

He blinks once and his eyes focus on her for the first time. Just as quickly they lose their focus again, however. He shakes his head once and then says quietly "Just...leave."

 

She slowly makes her way over to the couch.  "Captain...  Nick.  My god, what has happened?  Is it your family?  Ethan?  Tell me...  Just tell me please."

 

Nick glances up at Muon and he seems to consider her for a few moments. He slowly shakes his head and says in a dead emotionless voice "No..just leave. Leave me alone." He settles his head back against the couch and closes his eyes, clearly expecting her to obey him.

 

Muon stares at him for a moment and then regroups.  Calling upon her skills as a security officer, she takes a different tact.

 

"Captain, I know you want me to leave but I can't do that.  Something has happened and you need to tell me what it is.  It's Ethan isn't it?"  Muon says softly yet firmly, keeping the fear out of her voice.

 

He opens his eyes to slits and when he replies it's with a trace of cold anger "Need to tell you what it is? I don't need to do any such thing. I asked you to leave..please do so. Close and lock the door behind you." He pauses slightly then adds "And don't come back. I want to be left all alone..by all of you. Get away from me..I don't want to hear your voice..I don't want to hear their voices and I don't want to hear their minds. Leave." The dog, perhaps picking up on his master's mood, growls softly.

 

"Captain Ayers!  Whatever has happened you need to inform at least the XO or myself of why you're not on duty."  Muon replies, forcing authority into her voice.  She was thinking maybe anger would shake him out of his stupor."

 

"I told Amnor I would not be reporting in today and that is all I needed to do." He closes his eyes briefly then continues "Not that it matters. This will be gone..I will be gone in a few days." He pauses again and if possible his voices takes on an even more dead tone "If it will get you to leave...she's dead."

 

The shock of the words almost dropped Muon to her knees.  Only her training as a security officer kept her upright.  "Dead?  Ethan is dead?"  She asks in a hoarse whisper.

 

He nods slightly then says quietly "Now leave." He returns his attention to petting the dog. Diamante once again woofs quietly, perhaps also telling Muon to leave.

 

Muon stood there in shock for a few seconds.  Then, shaking her head, she glances over at the Captain and then quietly turns around and leaves.  She leaves him to his grief, and heads back to the CT.  She needed work.......

 

Nick doesn't notice her leave nor does he notice the door close. He quietly turns his attention back to the darkest recesses of his mind.

      Nick wakes from his sleep with a start, shaking uncontrollaby and in a cold sweat.  As he tries to get his breathing under control the words "I'm sorry, Nick.  I do love you.  I'm sorry..." echo in his mind as if the last vestiges of a dream.  He looks around his darkened bedroom expecting to find someone..anyone there but he's all alone in the dark.  As the voice in his mind fades away he tries holding onto it, tries to identify it's source, somehow knowing for a fact that it was vitally important that he do so.

 

       The panic that had clouded his mind crystallizes as he realizes what it was.  Nearly two years previously he had a similar experience where while striding across the Control Tower he suddenly found himself on the bridge of a heavily damaged Starfleet ship just before it and its crew was engulfed in a fireball.  At the time he thought it was just a waking dream but after being told about Fiona's death by Aidan, Nick went back and checked the camera recordings of the incident on the Control Tower and cross referenced it against the time that Aidan had said the incident occurred aboard the Cairo.  Down to the second, the moment that Nick had that..vision was at the same moment that the Cairo had been destroyed.  He had somehow heard Fiona call out to him as she was killed.

 

       It wasn't unheard of for a telepath to experience such things but they were incredibly rare and usually did not happen to telepaths with such limited abilities as Nick.  And yet there were such things as the Betazed concept of Imzadi where two telepaths or even a telepath and a non telepath forged a strong enough connection that it stayed with them no matter the distance.  And the El Aurians had concepts similar to the concept of Imzadi. 

 

       Quickly Nick scrambles out of bed and bolts for the door leading to the main room of his quarters, not even paying attention to the fact that he was only half dressed or that his long hair, usually kept back, was streaming wildly about his face.  Nor does he pay attention to the tears forming in his eyes.  As he steps through the door he says with a edge of panic to his voice "Computer, place a emergency priority call to Major T'Loren Day on Vulcan." 

 

       As the computer beeps its acknowledgement of the request, Nick paces anxiously back and forth.  After a few seconds he stops and closes his eyes and with all strength and concentration he has he tries replying to the voice he heard in his mind  "Ethan, I love you.  Please don't do this..don't leave me.  I love you...."

 

As the voice fades completely from his mind he sinks down onto the floor with his back against the window. His hands are balled up into fists with his nails digging into the skin of his palms hard enough to nearly draw blood as tears flow down his face. He doesn't utter a sound, he just sits there in perfect silence except for the occasional shifting of movement. So lost in his own mind he doesn't notice the computer say that Major Day was not available to answer the call. He remains that way in the silent darkness of his quarters for the next few hours. Not even Diamante padding into the main room and placing his head on Nick's lap after licking his face is enough to draw Nick out from the place his mind has taken him to.

 

Five hours later Nick steps onto the control tower looking perfectly fine. The only difference being a hardness in his eyes. Silently he strides over to the door to the Admiral's office and enters after the Admiral's acknowledgement. Stopping before the desk he puts a padd down onto the desk and says in an emotionless voice "I will stay on for a few days which should be long enough for you to find a replacement for me but I am resigning my commission." With that said and without waiting for a reply, he turns and exits the Admiral's office. He disappears into the turbolift and heads for his quarters. As he enters his quarters he locks the door and orders the computer to not disturb him.

By: Captain Ayers and Lt. Commander Quark

 

As Nick finishes strapping himself into the co-pilots seat he says darkly "Commander Quark, get us the hell out of this god-forsaken place. I do not want to stay one more minute here."

 

With that he focuses on sending a text only message back to Aegis updating them on the mission status and to have Sickbay warned that there were casualties as well as giving the Admiral an update on the status of the Ambassador." As he does that he either doesn't notice the look the others in the shuttle give him or he blithely ignores them.

 

Muon glanced sideways at the Captain with a raised brow and simply nodded. "Aye Sir."

 

The Captain had been acting strangely the whole mission. Could be that he was out of sorts with Ethan gone, the Admiral returning, and this rescue mission, the loss of an Officer..... Alot was going on just now. It was enough to stress anyone out.

 

The FCA knew they all needed a vacation. Perhaps she would recommend that to the Captain after they returned and things calmed down a bit. Yes... a vacation. Just what he needed. She glances at him out of the corner out of her eye and asks "Captain, when was the last time you took a vacation Sir?

 

He sighs quietly then says "Before I arrived on Aegis, Muon. And yes I know I need one. Had been planning one in fact but a certain..part of it is not present right now so that plan is on hold."

 

"Ethan", Muon replied quietly. She kept looking at the viewscreen. "You mean Ethan don't you?" Then slowly she turned her head and glanced at the Captain.

 

"She will be back you know...."

 

"Yes, I was referring to Ethan. We had discussed the idea and even had decided on a place. But with the Admiral being gone and everything that happened up until the arrival of the statue there was hardly time for it. Hell, we've barely had time to just be alone while on the station. I trust your abilities, Muon, and you will make a good Executive officer and eventually a Commanding Officer but this place is too big to run on ones own and if we had left leaving you in charge you really would have been the only senior officer left." He closes his eyes and sighs quietly "And yes I know she will be back. That's what I keep on telling myself. But I have to wonder how much of that is true and what will be left if and when she does return. And if my fears come to pass then there will be nothing for me here."

 

Muon glances at the Captain sharply. "Don't think like that. She'll be back and she'll be fine." She glances back to the front window of the shuttle. "Besides, if you just need someone to be annoying, I'm more than capable of annoying you." Grinning, she glances back at the Captain, hoping to take his mind off Ethan, if only for a sec.

 

He chuckles softly "Yes, you are more than capable of annoying me and so is she. But it's a bit more then that, Muon." His smile fades after a few seconds before saying "I hope you are right, Muon, and chances are you are right. What is she going through is delicate and more then a little dangerous." He shrugs then says "Telepathy is a boon, Muon, it is a gift yes but it can just as easily be a curse. Far too many people born with the gift can't handle it and of those that can some lose the ability to handle it." He pauses for a second then says "In a way it is a bit similar to something that exists within my people. Our natural high intelligence sometimes breeds examples such as Dr. Soren."

 

"Well it's just as well that Ferengi are not telepaths and cannot be scanned. Can you imagine what would happen? Why the whole Ferengi economic system would colapse!" She grins mischievously "Someone has to keep secrets around here. Now, let us get home and try not to worry about Ethan. She is in capable hands. Besides, don't we have a temp XO to break in?"

 

He smirks again "If Ferengi were telepathic I'd be worried for reasons other then the ones you cite." His smirk fades as his voice sobers "And as for Ethan..it's easy to say not to worry. However, its easier said then done. But I am hoping for the best and thats what I'm expecting. And as for when we get home..I am going to my office and attempting to get the sense of that guard dying out of my mind."

 

Muon nods and says soberly "Yes, I'll notify his family as soon as we return." Muon glances back to the Ambassador. "At least they will know that he died saving the Ambassador. It will be small consolation I imagine." She sits back in her chair and closes her eyes. "We should get a little rest Sir, if we can."

 

Nick frowns and nods as he says quietly "I doubt I will be getting rest anytime soon." He turns his attention to the viewport which shows Aegis quickly growing in size as the shuttle approaches home.

Note: This log takes place after the events in the log "Sensing Death."

 

            Ayers had returned from the rescue mission two hours previously. He didn't say a single word to anyone, just went directly to his office and has stayed there since. Approaching the RR, Amnor rang the chime, and was told to enter. Walking in, she could see Ayers stretched out on the couch, apparently resting. “Captain? If this is not a good time, I can come back later…”

 

            “No, it's alright, Commander. Might as well get whatever you wanted to talk about over with now that you're here.” He motioned her to a chair. While she was taking her seat, he moved to the chair behind his desk.

 

            “It is customary, I believe, Captain, for a new XO to spend a little time with the Captain to get the 'lay of the land’.” He asked if there was something in particular that she wanted to discuss. “Anything that you feel it appropriate for me to know, sir,” she replied. “I may be here for a while, as you know. I would prefer not to get caught off-guard.” He frowned slightly when she mentioned being there a while, but it disappeared as she finished her sentence. “I did take the liberty of contacting the heads of departments in your absence, to get their status reports.”

 

            He nodded acceptance of that action. “You are aware of the current situation on Cardassia?” She nodded, replying that it had both personal as well as professional interest for her. “Oh?” he asked, mildly surprised.

 

            Amnor nodded. “Yes, sir,” she answered, not answering his unspoken question. “Have you had any luck in locating the former Prime Minister?” she inquired, attempting to change the topic slightly.

 

            “Ah,” he replied, undeterred, “Well I see no problem with that. I also have a personal interest in it as well.” Then he shook his head at her question, “No, not as of yet. We're a bit limited in what we can do. Especially with the situation on Cardassia being what it is. A rather significant portion of the population is of the opinion that we had a hand in what happened.”

 

            Feeling the need to explain a little, she addressed his first question, “I'm half Bajoran, sir. For me, Cardassia will always be personal.” Her expression darkened  slightly, but returned to normal almost immediately.

 

            Ayers nodded slightly, “That I can understand. My interest is also tied to my heritage. Or part of it at least.” Amnor raised one brow, but didn't pursue the subject, instead asking what was being done to institute a provisional government or replace the Prime Minister. “Currently they are in the process of determining that. They've been bickering since the incident on whether the election should stand, whether they should have a new one or just maintain the status quo. And you may ask about my own interest if you wanted to, Commander. It's nothing that is particularly secretive.”

 

            A hint of sarcasm crept into her reply, “Yes, I'm sure the status quo is a desirable state for the planet to be in... constantly in flux, with no real leadership, no vision and no goals. And if you wish me to know, Captain, you may share. Otherwise, I consider it to be none of my business. I'm Intel, not Section 31. Anything else I should be aware of, sir?”

 

            Ayers smiled faintly, “Commander, if you were the latter I would have you transferred. Lets see. You are aware that it was a pair of Breen ships that initiated the attack on the Governor's palace. And it was Breen who were holding our Ambassador.” The first surprised showed on her face as she replied that she hadn't know that part, and inquired if the Ambassador was unharmed. “He has a few bumps and bruises, but nothing that he will not recover from. At least not physically. Mentally may be another matter but that I am not exactly qualified to judge on.”

 

            “Fleet has a good number of counselors. I'm sure they will be able to help him.” She saw his expression darken as he remembered the mission, and the dead Breen. “You look like you could use a counselor yourself, Captain, if it's not too bold of me to say that.”

 

            Ayers shook his head slightly, “Perhaps. Would prefer not to. Just that..well tell me, what do you know of me?”

 

            She shrugged one shoulder, “I'm Intel, remember?” She gave him a slight smile, “Counselors don't always have to get inside your head. Sometimes they just listen.”

 

            “I know. But I am not one to talk openly. Suffice it to say that having to kill, even in defense, is not something I take lightly. And especially not because of who, or more specifically what I am.”

 

            “I happen to know a particularly good one, if you ever wish, sir. He is a Vedek on Bajor, not part of Starfleet. But he's saved my life on more than one occasion, and I don't mean physically, if you know what I mean,” she offered.

 

            “Thank you for the offer but I will be fine.” He shook his head slightly again, “Just need to deal with the..sense..of what happened.”

 

            She nodded, “I understand, sir. If there is anything I can do... I also have a good store of bloodwine.” She cleared her throat, “At any rate, anything else I should know about the mission? Any casualties on our side?”

 

            Nick frowned, not wanting to remember, “One. The shot went straight through his armor… And a couple of the other guards were hit in the armor. They're currently in sickbay being checked out. The Ambassador will most likely be transferred to a facility better equipped to help him closer to Earth. And hopefully there will be no reprisals. I do want there to be an eye kept out for anything though.”

 

            “Of course, sir.” Though she knew the answer, she brought it up, “Is the fighter wing on standby?”

 

            “There is not a fighter wing on this station,” he replied, “something that I've mulled requesting, yes.”

 

            The topic opened, she expressed her opinion, “There should be! Even when we were over Canar, we had one... with this potential for ... chaos,” she motioned towards Cardassia, “I would think it should be vital.”

 

            Ayers nodded, “Yes. And since we are on the frontier, so to speak, one would thing we would be a higher priority. But unfortunately that has not always been the case. We're lucky enough to have the Pandora and the Lewis stationed here. And more fortunate that the Yorktown operates within our sector of control.”

 

            “Well, I have mine, and I believe M&M is coming in a Tigerhawk, so that will be two, at least. But as you say, hopefully there will be no reprisals. Ships are good for longer battles, but I find it takes longer to scramble them for more sudden attacks,” she said.

 

            Ayers nodded, “Well, hopefully there will be no reprisals. But I want the station to be prepared for the likely eventuality that my hope is a false one.”

 

            “I will touch base with the Chief of Security now that she is back. Anything else I should be aware of, sir?”

 

            “Yes. Understand this is a personal request but I would like mention that Et..Commander Hawke may not be returning for a while, if ever, kept to a minimum. We're more family than crew here, and I don't want the others worrying about that. And who is M&M?”

 

            “I have noticed a certain… lack of formality, yes. I will leave it to you to address any concerns, sir. Oh, Lt. Megan Marshall. Major Day told me that she would be coming to work with you?” she replied.

 

            “Yes, there is a certain..lack of formality as you say. You may..tighten things up if you wish for your own comfortableness.” Then he arched an eyebrow, “Work with me?” His eyes lit up as he realized what she meant, “Ah, yes. That. Major Day had not mentioned who she was sending. Thank you.”

 

            “She didn't specify, other than to say you needed some help with something, and M&M was qualified. Lt. Marshall is her gunner, in case you were not aware.” He nodded, and replied that he had requested some help, though he didn't say with what. “Of course. May I also make a request, Captain?” When he nodded, she continued, “I would like to hold some drills, sir, to be sure the depts are all prepared in the event of an attack.”

 

            “You may do so as you see fit. For now, you are the Executive officer and that is within your purview.” She nodded, agreeing with that point, but replied that she would prefer to have his blessing. He smiled faintly, “Granted.” She smiled again at that, and told him that she wanted to make them somewhat ‘realistic’. He arched an eyebrow, then nodded, “Ah. Well other then I would like to be told as to the specifics of the drill before you hold them, you may proceed how you wish.”

 

            “I plan to recruit personnel from other shifts to stage a boarding party... outfitted with Marine protective nets to prevent any serious injury,” she told him. He replied that he understood, and asked if there was anything else. When he noticed her brief hesitation, he raised a brow. In a much less reserved manner, she spoke again, “It is possible that T'Loren will be contacting me with updates as to Ethan's progress. I asked her to keep me updated.” She trailed off, until Ayers prompted her to continue.  “And, if .. the news is not good, do you still want to know?”

 

            “Well that raises a question. How much do you know?” When she asked about what, he shook his head, “Nevermind. I had also asked the Major to keep me updated. Nor do I wish to be protected from possible bad news. If things go badly, I will have to know sooner or later. And the former is preferable to the latter.”

 

            “If you are referring to your... relationship, yes, I am aware. I don't think T'Loren will keep you as updated, if things aren't going as well.”

 

            Ayers narrowed his eyes briefly, “Then I will be quite disappointed in the Major.”

 

            “I think she's trying to spare you grief... temporary bad news will only cause you worry, and might not be indicative of the final result.”

 

            He sighed quietly, “Commander, I am worried. It's too late for that. I am not so young as to be a child.”

 

            “That depends on the standard, Captain. I suspect some of your mother's people would consider you to be such. I did receive a communiqué from Paradox, however... The runabout arrived at Vulcan. Ethan has been transferred, and the runabout is on the way back.

 

            “If I was a full El Aurian, given my current age, I wouldn't yet be ready for what amounts to college. But I am not a full El Aurian, as you well know. And to be honest, my people generally consider anyone not yet a hundred years old to still be a child. But I am an adult and I expect to be treated as such. I know what Commander Hawke is going through and I know the risks. I don't need your protection or Major Day's protection when it comes to that subject.”

 

            Amnor hesitated again, “T'Loren said that Ethan arrived unconscious, and had suffered more than a dozen phaser shots during the trip. She talked to Lt.jg Adams, who said that Ethan requested it. When they first set out, he had refused, and she tried to attack him.” Ayers frowned darkly, swearing under his breath. “He stunned her out of self-preservation, but she continued to refuse medical treatment.”

 

            “Typical Ethan,” he noted.

 

            “She was kept unconscious while Medical treated her injuries, while T'Loren observed, just in case. She has since regained consciousness and has signed the waivers for the treatment. On a positive note, when she regained consciousness, T'Loren was able to suppress the emotions long enough for them to discuss the treatment and get her thumbprint... She said that was a good sign.”

 

            “Thank you. When the runabout crew gets back get their full reports and tell them to get some rest. Anything else?”

 

            Amnor shook her head, slipping back into her more reserved self, “You're welcome, sir. I'll leave you to your report.

 

            “There is one thing. After Lt Marshall arrives I will likely be indisposed for a while. You will of course be in charge during that time. And because you do have a right to know what is going on..she will be helping me shield certain memories I have.”

 

            “Not really my business, Captain.”

 

            “Yes..and no. If nothing else, dismissed,” he said. She nodded, and quietly left the office. He stared at the door as it closed behind the Commander, then sighed quietly. Standing, he moved back to the couch and laid down again.

Nick watches Ethan quietly for a few seconds as the turbolift takes them to the deck that the senior officer's quarters are located on. It doesn't take much effort for him to pick up on the fear and anger she's trying desperately to control. His expression darkens when he senses her thoughts. It wasn't so much fear that she's feeling but that she's terrified that she'll lose control again and act as she was in the transporter room. Brief images of her injuring others or hurting and even killing him flash in his mind's eye as he reads her thoughts. Nick sighs quietly to himself as he realizes that he was not taking the situation quite as seriously as he really should have been. And that by trying to soften the impact of what had happened he was trying to do what he thought was best personally not what was right.

 

She clearly is thinking that she is a possible danger to others and to him especially. Perhaps what was needed right now was to give her what she thought she deserved even if he doesn't believe that she is right..even if he doesn't believe that she could ever truly hurt him. And yet she had hurt Lepage...

 

He buries the frustration and helplessness he's feeling before saying quietly "As you wish." He then orders the turbolift to take them to the main security office and the brig. He closes his eyes briefly to strengthen his mental shields as the turbolift complies with the request.

In another life in another dream

by a different name gave it all away

for a memory and a quiet lie

and I felt the face of a cold tonight

still don't know the score

but I know the pain

of leaving everything really far behind

--Heaven's not Enough

 

 

 

 

Nick watches Ethan's reaction as Dr. Pavilion remonstrates Ethan for returning to the hockey game. Before Ethan can react, Nick says "Doctor, as you may have noticed, the yellow alert just sounded. I will need Commander Hawke on the Control Tower. As there are chairs on the Control Tower, I assure you that Commander Hawke will remain off her injured leg. So please return to Sickbay and I will help the Commander."

 

Nick watches as Mimi considers that before finally nodding. With that the Doctor leaves and Nick turns his attention to Ethan. He steps towards her before saying "Now, come on. We need to get to the Control Tower. Lean against me so you keep your weight off your foot." He reaches a arm out to help but hesitates as he waits for her reply.

 

She steps into the turbolift, ignoring his arm. "Captain, I am quite capable of walking without assistance. I honestly do not understand why the doctor has so little faith in her own work. Mending a bone is a relatively simple procedure--one that I have been through many, many times, and one that I expect I will utilize on more than one occassion in the future. This is the 24th century after all, not the Dark Ages. I am more concerned with the cause of this yellow alert....sir."

 

Nick narrows his eyes as he regards her silently for a few seconds. Stepping into the turbolift he says "Muon reported that some sort of...large statue had appeared outside the station. So far it hasn't done anything yet other then sit there. I'm more concerned what the Cardassians are going to think then what a piece of galactic artwork is going to do."

 

He orders the lift to the Control Tower then sighs and leans back against the turbolift wall. Finally he mutters "Sir? I'm starting to hate that word when it comes from you. If you're going to slap me across the face then at least actually do it and get it over with." He shakes his head "I spend the better part of my life building walls and keeping people out and when I find someone that I don't need to or want to do that with she shuts me out. So either slap me or if this is going to continue I swear to all the gods I don't believe in that I'm going to go stick my head in the fusion reactor and you can deal with Donato di Niccolò's galactic masterpiece outside."

 

Without missing a beat, Ethan replied, "I wouldn't recommend that, sir. It might damage the reactor, and that probably would not make Eli happy. In reality, however, you do outrank me, so 'sir' is an appropriate form of address. 'Hey, stupid' just doesn't convey the respect due your rank, if not your person. And in point of fact, Captain, I shut everyone out. After the headache that you and the doctor gave me--especially her, virtually shouting all those negative thoughts and emotions, and then giving me a dirty look for 'hearing'--when any telepath within 100 yards would have heard her--I have blocked pretty much everything. I don't wish to be blasted again for a few more days. I sounded off at Victor, thanks to that headache--not that he didn't deserve at least a little bit, but I do need to go apologize to him. I owe you an apology for blurting it out, but her shouting and the content thereof really took me by surprise. I'm sorry if that made things uncomfortable for you."

 

He pushes himself away from the turbolift wall and steps so that he's within mere inches of her. Quietly he says ""Sir" is an appropriate form of address on the Control Tower or anywhere else we happen to be when we're on duty and there are people around but there is no one here, Ethan, unless you think the Computer is going to up and decide that it gets to judge who and what we are. Yes in reality I do out-rank you...but that is only one part of reality and not the whole of it. Right now we could be in your quarters listening to music while stretched out on the couch and you'd still be calling me "sir." Though I suspect that you wouldn't let me so much as brush a hand against your face even if we were off duty and alone."

 

He sighs and shakes his head "I am sorry for what happened in Drankums, I should have been more careful and more attentive. You know me better then anyone else, you've seen things in my mind, dea...Ethan seen the depths of me that I have not shared with anyone else save my own family. And right now this is very much like trying to find one's balance while on one leg in the middle of a windstorm. But if you want or need to keep up this wall then I will wait, on that I have no choice." He steps back to where he was and again leans against the wall of the turbolift.

 

"I'm still sorry. I need some time to sort things out--as do you, I suspect. It has to have been a shock to find out that she... well, it had to bring up some difficult memories. I'm shielding as much to protect myself from you and to give you some time, as to get my own mind back in order." She sighs again, and stops speaking, not sure what else to say.

 

He sighs and shakes his head "I know, I guess I didn't quite realize how open we were being with our connection. It's become second nature, at least to me. Makes it rather easy to ignore the fact that it does have certain drawbacks at times. As for the Doctor's background, yeah it is a shock. And it does bring up a lot of difficult memories. Things I thought I dealt with or was dealing with. I think you know I haven't quite developed the equanimity that older El Aurians have when it comes to death and outli..." He frowns slightly and cuts himself off. He shakes his head slightly "I'll get past the concerns her being here brings to me, with your help and the others. And maybe one day she and I can talk about what happened without the emotional baggage it carries."

 

She shakes her head, "You are going to have to face that at some point. No matter if you can't bring yourself to say it or not. You may outlive everyone you currently call friend, ... or potential intimate companion. Until you come to grips with that, this is going to come up time after time after time. Only YOU can deal with that. I can't do too much to help you with that, nor can anyone else. But in the meantime, we have work to do." And with that, she walks out of the turbolift onto the CT.

 

He frowns slightly and then moves to fall into step with her. He says quietly so only she can hear "I am coming to grips with that but that will take time. And yes you can help me with that just by staying by me. You can't say that the fact that our probable lifespans are different hasn't occurred to you, I know that it has. But probable lifespan is just that...a probable lifespan. It's not something that is set in stone so I intend to take my life as it comes, the up and downs, in the company of the people I care about most and especially in the company of the woman I love." He pauses slightly then adds quietly "The alternative...shutting myself away in some monastic penence for being born what I am is not an alternative I would choose for myself..not anymore."

 

With that said he steps down to the center area of the control tower and turns his attention to the statue on the viewscreen.

Nick sighs quietly to himself and whispers in Ethan's mind "My apologies, didn't mean to." With that said, so to speak, he boosts his mental shields enough so that only a tiny fraction of the normal mental connection he shares with Ethan is there.

 

He turns his attention to the new Chief Medical officer. If Meve had arranged this he should have known better then to send a Cairo survivor to the Station, should have known that it would only reopen wounds that had barely scabbed over. Then again, Meve wasn't exactly known for thinking of such things, considering some of the things he had said regarding the relationship between Ethan and Nick.

 

He shakes his head slightly, thinking that Ethan was right earlier. That it was different knowing there were Cairo survivors when he didn't have to deal with them face to face, but now that one was going to be stationed here for a year Nick was going to have to deal with feelings he thought he had already dealt with. He knew that the Doctor was lucky to have survived and that she had lost a loved one as well...and yet Nick couldn't deny that somewhere burning in the deepest part of his soul was an anger and a resentment that she had survived and Fiona had not.

 

And he had to resist biting her head off when she had remarked so casually on the situation that had existed between Fiona, Aidan and himself. And what she had sad about Fiona coming to an understanding about him was also not well received. If Fiona had finally understood then she should have stayed on the Venture...stayed with Aidan.

 

Finally the turbolift slows to a stop and without a word, Nick leads the way to Sickbay.

Have you ever wondered why there are so many dead worlds out there, let me tell you why - its because despite the best advice of people who know what they are talking about, other people insist on doing the most massively stupid things.

--Galen, Babylon 5

 

 

 

Nick hands the PADD containing the Admiral's orders to Ethan before stepping down to the large windows off to one side of the Control Tower. The Admiral's timing couldn't have possibly been worse. Nick didn't need the responsibility for the entire system laid on his shoulders when actions he had just taken put the fate of an entire civilization up in the air.

 

When he had found the information regarding the Rixians and their origins he had found himself facing what could only be described as a Kobayashi Maru scenario. Though it was no longer used in the Academy due to the scenario being long outdated, the grief and consternation the Kobayashi Maru had inflicted on Cadets had caused the "no-win" scenario to take on infamous and legendary status, to the point that each scenario that was developed after it to take its place quickly earned the nickname of "Kobayashi Maru." It had become the classic no-win scenario against which all others had come to be measured against.

 

He had watched the recording more times then he cared to remember. Not that he needed to, each detail of it was etched in his mind from the first viewing. Like with his memories from the Battle of Wolf or the Cardassian War, it would not fade from his mind no matter how much he may wish it would.

 

On one hand he could have withheld the information and watched the Rixians slowly die off one by one in ignorance of what was actually afflicting them. And that choice did have it's rational appeal. It's not like he owed them anything besides basic compassion. They were a sentient, if lesser developed, race and according to his beliefs, both as a Starfleet Officer as well as an El Aurian, they had the right to their natural development and their own choices. Even if those choices did lead them to destruction it was not his place to interfere. His people had watched countless races die out, they had watched humanity itself nearly die out due to its World Wars and they had not lifted a finger because they understood they could not. That it was not their place to decide who lived and who died. Unlike the loathsome Q, the El Aurians did not suffer from delusions of godhood.

 

On the other hand, over 1000 years earlier the pre-Rixians had come to the El Aurians asking for help and his people had attempted to give it. Nick doesn't know the reasons behind the choice his people had made then and it doesn't really matter as he would likely never know. As close a relationship as he had with his Uncle and "Godfather," to use the human term, there were things..secrets and information that he knew they knew that they would only give up reluctantly. And he would more likely understand the choice the El Aurians had made then long before he would understand the choice to reject the help that the pre-Rixians had made.

 

The real problem was that Nick is almost certain that history would repeat itself and that the Rixians were a doomed race no matter what he did. He knows how hard the information he had given to Dr. Lanvin would be to accept and granted Nick's experience with the Rixians was limited to the four that had visited the station but open-mindedness did not seem to be a trait that was all that common among the genetically engineered species. They were far too proud of their accomplishments to easily accept the fact that it was their genetic engineering...their winnowing of their original genetic breadth that was causing their destruction. Their narrow-mindedness coupled with their inherent xenophobia was not a recipe that led to being able to think for oneself. Captain Nurani was proof of that and Nick was certain that Captain Nurani, when he found out what the datachip contained, would at the least label it a forgery and at worst consider it an act of aggression. Even Dr. Lanvin had the same cultural blindspot that the Captain did and Nick had seen and sensed the anger in her when he had pointed that out.

 

In reality Nick hadn't done any more then what his people had done a millennia earlier. Whether the Rixians listened or not was their choice and the responsibility for it was theirs and not his. Perhaps it was a bit cold but it was the reality of the situation. At least that is what he hopes.

this ok with you?

 

       It felt a bit strange to be cradling what appeared to be a young female Cardassian and yet Nick knows it's Ethan.  Why she was made up to look Cardassian was something that could be found out later.  Maybe what was strange was holding her, trying to help her after being so mad at her not telling him about the mission Muon and her took.  And granted he is still angry but that could be dealt with later.  He brushes a hand along the side of her face as he watches her nearly still form.  He wishes that he was as strong a telepath as she is, wishes that her sister was here like the last time her abilities had gotten overtaxed.  Part of him feels helpless and yet he had no choice but to try.

 

       He closes his eyes and reaches out mentally.  {{I'm here, Ethan, I'm here.  Just tell me what to do.}}

 

       The blackness still swirled about her, but she sensed a hand reaching out to her, and grabbed it with all her strength.  She was trembling with fatigue, her body driven to its limit by her mental activities. She stirred again, her eyes slowly opening. Looking up, she saw the Captain, his face concerned.  "You came," she whispered.  A faint smile briefly touched her lips, before the trembling shook her again.

 

          The smile that just had been starting to form on his face at her opening her eyes fades when he feels her body shake and realizes just how tenuously she is holding onto consciousness.  He activates his commbadge and says "Sickbay, medical emergency in the Captain's Ready room.  If there is a telepathic healer available send them with."  That taken care of he returns his attention to Ethan.

 

       The last few days his emotions had been across the board thanks to her, from being angry at her to being concerned about her safety to being glad and relieved at her return that it was all a bit confusing.  However for this moment he knows where his feelings lay and the rest was immaterial.  He spends a few moments strengthening the mental connection between them.  He murmurs "Of course I did.  I didn't hear you until I got back to the Control Tower and noticed...."  He stops and shakes his head slightly before saying "You're important to me.  So why wouldn't I?"

 

       Ethan didn't reply--she couldn't.  It was taking everything she could manage to remain conscious.  She relied on the mental link to give her focus.  She clung to it, like a port in the storm.  The blackness still seemed to pull at her, as if reluctant to give up a victim.  It was denied its prey, however, as she stubbornly held tight to the mental connection with Captain Ayers.

 

       It seemed a terminable wait for the medical help to arrive, though in reality it was only a few minutes.  The female medic arrived with a kit in hand. "What happened?" she asked, beginning the examination.  A confused look crossed her face as she received readings of a Human-Betazoid lifeform, in a Cardassian form.  Shaking it off, she looked again at the tricorder in her hand, then her eyes widened, and she grabbed quickly for a hypo. "Did you say she's conscious?" the medic asked, very surprised.

 

       It takes Nick a few seconds to respond with the effort he was putting into maintaining the mental link with Ethan.  Under normal circumstances the connection came to him easily but this was hardly normal circumstances.  This was more then a little like leaning over a cliff trying to keep the person dangling from your arm from slipping and falling while trying to keep yourself on even ground as well.  "It is Commander Hawke, Doctor.  Why she looks that way is none of your concern and you're not to breathe a word of it to anyone.  She overtaxed her telepathic abilities and her body is reacting to that I believe.  And yes she is concious but just barely."  He hesitates for a second.  Their relationship was hardly a secret but the telepathic link they shared had always remained private between them.  "I have a mental connection with her..a telepathic link.  She was unconcious when I found her and it was that link that brought her around this far but with her as weak as she is it's a teneous connection at best."

 

       He eyes the hypo the Doctor reaches for, briefly remembering the fracas with Images and Mimi over their mis-use of suppressors.  He frowns briefly before saying "Do what you can."

 

       The doctor quickly pressed the hypo to Ethan's neck, watching the tricorder for a few moments before looking up again at the Captain. "That was quick thinking, Captain. I didn't know you were telepathic, but your action may have saved her life.  Her blood sugar was extremely low. Dangerously low. She should have been in a coma at those levels, sir. The link quite likely kept her from slipping into an oblivion that she might not have been able to come out of. All I gave her was something to stablize her sugar levels."  She looked at the tricorder again. "She's improving. Her neurotransmitters appear to be in normal ranges."

 

       Slowly, the trembling subsided.  Taking a slow, deep breath, Ethan opened her eyes again. "Where.... are we?"

 

       Nick says "I didn't do anything really, I heard her calling is all.  And my telepathy isn't all that strong.  Just with people..."  He cuts himself off as he feels a blush crawling up the back of his neck over what he nearly said.  He smiles down at Ethan "Hey there.  You collapsed in my office.  You were unconcious when I found you and the Doctor here saved you."  He adds telepathically {{You sure know how to make me worried.  You were barely holding onto me.}}

 

       He glances back at the doctor "Should she be taken to sickbay?"

 

      The doctor sadly shook her head.  "Normally, I would say yes. But with things as they are.... there is no room for someone that really isn't in danger... anymore. Keep her here until she's able to walk, then she can return to her quarters."

 

       Ethan turned towards the doctor, her voice still a little weak, but sustained, "Thank you, doctor. Since you're here... I don't suppose you can..." She motioned to the Cardassian features. The doctor nodded wearily, and set about removing the built up features. As the doctor worked, Ethan reached out to Nick. {{It wasn't intentional, Captain. Thank you for your help.}} She remembered all too clearly the reception she had received upon her return, and the talk about transfers.  {{I will be ready for that transfer whenever it comes through, sir.}}

 

       Nick arches an eyebrow but waits until the Doctor leaves before speaking "I am not having you transfered.  You've been here longer then I have, this is your home.  I can not and would not take that away from you no matter the cause."  He moves to lift her in his arms.  Standing, he carries her to the couch and settles her on it gently.  He sits down on the floor next to the couch.  He brushes a hand against Ethan's face before saying "I told you this before but if anyone transfers it will be me.  That is what I meant when I said that transfers are not your concern, they're mine." 

 

       He closes his eyes and leans his head against the edge of the couch "Do I want to leave?  Hardly, this is my home too.  And there is someone here I care for very deeply and love and nothing that has happened has changed my feelings for her....for you.   Anger is not the opposite of love, apathy is.  Though maybe your feelings have changed.  I guess I couldn't blame you if they had, I was acting like an ass."

 

       He sighs sadly and shrugs "Part of the reason I was angry at you is because of my feelings towards you.  You had disappeared with no explanation and I was worried sick.  And I was angry because Muon, the Admiral and you had treated me as if I didn't matter, as if the fact that I am the Commanding Officer of this station somehow didn't matter.  I am responsible for the well being of this station and that includes the actions and whereabouts of this station's Executive Officer and Chief of Security."

 

       Ethan pushed herself up slightly in order to look at him better, "With all due respect, Captain, it wasn't my decision to inform you or not. No, I wasn't ordered not to, but I wasn't given permission, either. And, as point of fact, Meve had us submit our resignations before leaving, just in case Fleet needed to..disavow our actions. There wasn't a lot of time available either.  But for what it's worth, I'm sorry.  Had you known.... would you have honestly let us... me go?  My feelings have not changed either, Nick.  I do love you.  But I still have a job to do, and that feeling cannot get in the way of duty.  I hope you can understand that."  The effort of speaking, rather passionately, taxed her improving system, and she sank back against the cushions, grateful for the support.  She sipped at the restorative drink that the doctor had pressed on her before departing.

 

       He chuckles softly "You're quite right...it was not your decision to inform me or not. However all that means, Ethan, is that it is not your decision.  Unless the Admiral specifically told you not to then your responsibility was to inform me.  I am your direct superior officer and he is not, there is no end run around that.  As for if I had known would I have let you go...yes I would have.  From what I've been able to piece together, Ethan, you and Muon were the only ones capable of pulling off whatever it is you two were doing.  When that Ion storm hit did I send you away because of my personal feelings towards you or did I let you remain and do your job?"

 

       "I am fully aware of the fact that the woman I've fallen in love with is a Starfleet officer and that carries a certain risk, I did not somehow forget that fact.  Being a Starfleet officer is part of who you are, part of the woman I love and if I acted to take away that even out of possible good intentions it would only diminish you.  If I would have let my personal feelings interfere because I was scared of losing you all I would have accomplished was to lose you by another way.  Would part of me have wanted to prevent you from doing your job and shield you?  Yes, part of me would have just as if the situation was reversed part of you would have wanted to do the same but that is not the part of me that would have made the decision.  You were a Starfleet Officer long before we met, you were a Starfleet Officer long before I had any claim, if I have a claim, on you existed and taking that away from you is not my choice to make.  So yes I would have let you do your job, Ethan, even if part of me did regret it.  However, recognize that your concern that I wouldn't have allowed you to do your job means you did not trust me to do mine.  That trust has to be a two way street, darling."

 

              Ethan sighed, "I'm sorry. I should have told you...but in part, I didn't want to. I didn't want you to know what we were doing, because...well, because it's illegal.  But then I guess we've been involved in illegal activities together before." She smiled, then leaned forward to kiss him.

 

       He smiles and returns the kiss.  Breaking it off he murmurs "If you can forgive me for being an ass earlier then I certainly can forgive you as well."  He chuckles and shakes his head "If one little argument drove us apart we are going to be in for a lot of trouble as we're both prideful.  I very much doubt this will be the last argument..the last fight we'll have so lets just agree to when such things happen we work it out instead of shutting each other out like I was doing to you." 

 

       He kisses her briefly "Now, get some rest while I go attend to this meeting the Admiral is having with the Rixians.  And when you're feeling strong enough you can go to your quarters and rest there."  He smirks and adds "Don't get it in your head to return to duty until you've fully recovered or I may get it in my head to carry you to your quarters myself even if half the station witnesses it."

 

       With a show of feigned meekness, she batted her eyelashes, and smiled, "Yes, sir." Finishing her drink, she put her down and closed her eyes to rest.

 

       He chuckles softly as he heads for the door.  Stepping through the door, he turns towards the observation lounge doors across the Control Tower, knowing that what was going to happen in there was going to make him wish that he was the one resting.

"Captain, please stop acting like a child. This station is in crisis, and like it or not, I am still your XO. We can talk about transfers later, but for the moment, we really need cooperation."

 

That thought from Commander Hawke had been sent with enough strength behind it to pierce through Nick's shields and it takes him some effort not to respond with anger. He calmly responds "I am not acting like a child, Commander. Right now I am busy and I do not have time." He pauses slightly then adds "Nor have I forgotten that you are this station's Executive Officer but apparently it was forgotten that I am this station's Commanding Officer. But as you said, this is a crisis situation so that will be dealt with later. As for transfers, do not be concerned about that....that is my concern. Now...I have a job to do. And so do you." He closes his eyes briefly as he concentrates. He quickly rebuilds and strengthens his shields, leaving himself again alone within his own mind.

 

He returns his attention to the Rixian Ambassador. He knows the Ambassador is probably lying about not knowing what the Rixian Captain is doing or where he is. Nick briefly mulls calling the Ambassador on that lie but decides that right now engaging in a round of diplomatic repartee was a waste of time. Nick says "Very well, you do not know where the Captain is so I will inform him later of what I'm about to tell you. As you may have figured out from the Admiral's announcement, the Cardassian Prime Minister is going to declare martial law for reasons I'm not going to go into. Under the treaty that governs this place, that means that in effect Admiral Meve will become the military governor of this system which also means that he will become the de facto ruler of the Cardassians. It also means that a military occupation of Cardassia Prime and the rest of the system by the Federation is about to begin. Suffice it to say this is not what the Admiral, I or the rest of the Federation wanted. We are here to help the Cardassians rebuild so they can stand on their own feet..so they can take their proper place in the galaxy, we are not here to rule them. Nor have we forgotten our obligations to your people, Ambassador. The research will be continued. However what the Admiral and I need you to do is to make sure that your people do as we request and obey station regulations. I gave the order myself so I know that you and the Captain are aware of it but all docking ports are locked down and no ship currently docked is leaving and no other ships are being allowed to dock. Right now it is too much of a security risk to permit otherwise. Nor is any ship is entering or leaving the system without the Admiral's or my approval. Also all station communications except for official communications are also under lockdown. No unauthorized communication is going to be allowed to come into or leave this station. We will have the Federation contact your government in order to explain what is currently going on so they do not become concerned about you or your delegation. When the current situation is dealt with then you will be allowed to contact your government but for right now we need your cooperation on that. Which means we need your Captain's cooperation and I am not sure we have it considering that he is currently in the area of the docking port that leads to your ship. Since your Captain's...bravado and anger are very much noticeable to me, I can make a fair assumption of what his intentions are. Since I have explained to you what the situation is I will now go explain it to him. I request that you remain here Ambassador. Two security guards will be stationed outside in order to see to your protection. If you need to contact the Admiral or myself, please ask one of them to do so."

 

Nick taps his commbadge "Commander Quark, locate Captain Nuranis and keep him at his present location. I will be there momentarily. Ayers out."

 

Nick returns his attention to the Ambassador "I am going to say one more thing, Ambassador and understand I mean no disrespect. Your Captain has a bad attitude and a superiority complex a light-year wide and that is the last thing your people need right now. Your people are facing possible extinction, Ambassador, and you cannot afford to waste time with pointless exercises in fake superiority. I know the plight of your people better then anyone else on this station, Ambassador, as my people also faced twilight."

Nick stares at a display readout of the damage done to the station as he tries keeping a cap on the anger he's feeling over the situation. He should have known that the freighter would be a trap, should have known that firing the weapons would result in the freighter exploding and yet he had somehow missed that. It is an intolerable mistake and one that cost people their lives.

 

Right now more then anything he wants three things. The first was to find the people who rigged the freighter and pay them back in kind. The second was a dark desire to go find the detainee and force the person to speak and if physical actions didn't work there was always mental persuasion. The third was to berate publicly the Admiral for the disappearance of Muon and Ethan. It didn't take a genius to figure out that there was no way that neither Muon or Ethan would leave the station without clearance from either Nick or the Admiral. And since Nick sure as hell didn't know about it that means that the Admiral did. How dare the Admiral, Ethan and Muon disrupt the operations of the Station like that without informing Nick. How dare they think he wouldn't notice. There would be a price to pay for that arrogant presumption.

 

Before he can say or do anything to the Admiral, Nick turns on his heel and walks towards his office. Now was not the time for recompense, there would be time for that later.

 

It slips Nick's mind that he had put Dr. Lanvin in his office earlier so he neglects to keep his emotions off his expression. In fact he doesn't even notice her as he enters the office and steps to the window behind his desk.

 

Because the El Aurians had never divulged much information about themselves to the Federation it tended to breed what could charitably be considered crackpot conspiracy theories. One of the more peculiar and more insulting ones was that the El Aurians were either corporeal Q or are an offshoot of the Q or that the Q are an offshoot of the El Aurians. If the El Aurians were related to the Q and as such had Q like powers there was no way that the Borg would have been successful in their destruction of the El Aurian homeworld. His people are by nature peaceful but that doesn't mean they would roll over and die.

 

And yet, staring into his reflection..staring into the cold angry eyes of his reflected self, Nick finds himself knowing that if he did have Q like powers, a portion of the Cardassian population, the ones responsible for the attack on the Station and the Prime Minister responsible for all the other incidents would have just been snuffed out of existence.

 

Nick closes his eyes as he turns and leans back against the window. He murmurs quietly "Please protect me from the darkness..."

 

Tanna was still sitting on the floor with her head resting on her knees when the office door opened. She looked up slowly, expecting to find a security officer waiting to escort her to safety. Instead, she was shocked to find Captain Ayers standing on the other side of the room, staring intently out the window. She could see the reflection of his face from her spot on the floor. Even though they were totally different species, Tanna had no trouble understanding the emotions clearly visible in the Captain's eyes. He was furious.

 

For a few seconds, Tanna wasn't sure what to do so she remained perfectly still. She finally concluded that Captain Ayers didn't know she was there. He probably thought security had already escorted her to another location. Or, in the midst of all the confusion, he might have forgotten he told her to wait in his office. One way or the other, Tanna knew Ayers was unaware of her presence.

 

For a nanosecond, Tanna thought it would be interesting to observe this alien during a crisis situation. She quickly came her to her senses. The alien in question could read minds. He would soon realize she was sitting in the corner and would consider it deceptive that she didn't make her presence known the moment he walked in.

 

Tanna quietly rose to her feet and straightened her tunic. She took a step forward then stopped, expecting Ayers to have noticed her. But he didn't. She heard him mumbling something about "protection from the darkness." The longer she stood there, the more nervous she became.

 

"Captain Ayers," she asked softly while glancing around the room. "Would you like me to turn on additional lighting?"

 

It takes Nick a second to realize from where and from whom the voice had come from. Finally he shakes his head "No, the lighting is fine, that wasn't what I was referring to. My apologies, I didn't remember you were still here. I'm sorry if I surprised or shocked you." He closes his eyes for a second and when he reopens them all trace of any emotion has been removed. "We're still assessing the damage that was inflicted so you should remain here until a security officer arrives to take you to the Ambassador. I can say that we are not under continued...assault."

 

Tanna remained stationary and nodded slightly. "I am pleased to hear that," she replied, watching him closely. There was no trace of the anger she had seen in his eyes just a few seconds earlier.

 

She was impressed at how quickly Ayers had managed to shield his emotions once he found out he wasn't alone. Tanna suddenly realized this alien kept a tight rein on his feelings. She doubted he allowed anyone to get very close to him. Then she remembered Commander Hawke. She didn't quite understand the dynamic between the two but Ayers and Hawke seemed to be close friends. Perhaps he shared his deepest thoughts with her. After all, they were both telepaths.

 

Then another question occurred to Tanna. She knew there had been causalities. She heard two or three people in the control tower talking about it. From what she could gather, at least a dozen or more were lost during the attack. She now wondered if Captain Ayers had he been able to hear the thoughts of those killed. That would certainly explain the depth of the anger she had seen in his eyes when he first entered the room.

 

"I overheard one of your subordinates discussing causalities," continued Tanna. "You and your colleagues have my deepest sympathy." She took a couple of steps toward him and paused. "Am I correct in assuming that you were able to hear the thoughts of those killed?"

 

He sighs quietly "Yes and no. You have to understand that this Starbase currently has well over a thousand people on it right now. All those minds sound like a cacophony of noise and it takes effort to pick out the individual minds from what is in effect background noise. I usually have my mental shields up pretty far to screen out such things. If I didn't I would either lose myself...my individuality in their collective voice or the sheer cacophony of it would drive me insane. That is true for all telepaths and empaths. Being a telepath or an empath is a gift yes but it comes with a considerable price. Furthermore, I am not the strongest telepath by far and it is easier for me to hear the thoughts of those I am either close to or have some connection to. Those who were killed I had no particularly close connection to. A few were civilians passing through that I had never met and the others were crewmembers who I could tell you their names and biographies and what they looked like but whom I had no close dealings with however they all were my responsibility. I could hear their thoughts yes but I could not pick out any individual thoughts and tell you what they were."

 

He pauses for a moment then says "I may not have been able to pick up on the individual thoughts of those who died today but for each one of them I felt the passing of the split-second that separated life from death. And that memory I will take to my own grave, whether that is next year, next century or next millennia. It will be as fresh to me then as if I died tomorrow.

 

Tanna listened intently, desperately wanting to understand this gift called telepathy. She was a little surprised by the Captain's willingness to discuss it so openly. He had been rather evasive about it during their previous conversations.

 

As he spoke, she came to yet another disappointing conclusion. As beneficial as telepathy seemed to be, it could easily become a burden. Dr. Lanvin wondered if The Ancients had actually known about telepathy and decided to spare their decedents the consequences of such a trait. Perhaps that explained why it was unheard of on Rixis.

 

She now felt great sorrow for Captain Ayers. She knew only too well how difficult it was to lose friends and colleagues. During the past three years, she had attended far too many memorial services. Both young and old, stricken with plague, they grew more and more frail until death finally claimed them. Tanna prayed that her death would be a quick passing, not unlike those whose lives ended so unexpectedly during the attack on the station. She also knew that probably wouldn't happen but one could always hope.

 

One thing was certain, no matter how one died, no Rixian could claim to feel the passing of another's life. On her homeworld, death was a completely private affair and Tanna was now convinced it was better that way. Telepathy might be okay for some species but she would resist any attempts to breed such traits into her people. As disappointing as it might be, she now believed the burdens of telepathy far outweighed its benefits. She would not want any Rixian to experience the grief Captain Ayers must now endure.

 

"I am very sorry," said Tanna somberly. "I too have mourned for lost friends and family but I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to bear your grief." She turned and walked back toward the office door. "I fear it may have been arrogant for us to come here," she began, still walking away. "We were so certain your Federation could help us find a cure for our plague." Tanna turned and smiled sadly. "It is inappropriate for us to impose on you further. You have your own survival to worry about."

 

Nick shakes his head slightly "Doctor, it was not arrogant for your people to come to the Federation for help. It is not arrogant to want to save your own people and it is not arrogant to ask for help. What is arrogant, Doctor, is to not ask for help when you need help. If your people don't find a means of counteracting and fixing what is afflicting you then your people will die. My people, meaning the El Aurians, are ancient. We have seen much, we have witnessed much and we have endured much. We have seen countless species fall to dust through all the means imaginable. We have even endured our own near extinction. And it would be a travesty for it to happen again. It was not wrong for you to ask the Federation to help. Frankly no one outside of the Federation would even care or they would help but there would be a price to be paid. I can't guarantee that the Federation has the means to save your people. As vast and as powerful as the Federation is, as scientifically advanced as it is, even the Federation doesn't know everything. However I can promise you that we will do our best whether it be on this Starbase or if need be somewhere else in the Federation." Nick shrugs "What other choice do you have?"

 

Tanna knew that Captain Ayers had a point. The Rixians were running out of time. They had no other choice....she had no other choice. They desperately needed help to avoid extinction. There had been a time when Tanna was convinced the Federation research teams on Aegis could provide that help. Now she wasn't so sure. A lot had changed in the last thirty minutes. Tanna didn't know how badly damaged the station was or how many died in the attack. But she assumed all of those on Aegis would be preoccupied with repairs and memorials and dealing with the personal demons these types of disasters always produced. They would not be inclined to continue research on a cure for a disease that affected only one species...a species that prided itself on its isolation....a desperate species who, even now, would rather not associate with aliens....a species steeped in arrogance.

 

But now was not the time to debate the issue. They were in the grip of a full blown emergency, an emergency that affected all of them, including the Rixian delegation. It was essential that everyone on the station work together for the common good. She clasped her hands tightly behind her back and smiled bravely. "I am a trained physician. On my world, I am considered one of the best in my field. Although my current specialty is research, I have had many years of clinical experience. Perhaps I could be of assistance to your medical staff. It is the least I could do to repay your staff's attempts to develop a cure for my people."

 

The security officer arrived to escort Tanna to her new assignment. She bowed slightly to Ayers and then looked him in the eye. "I hope you have a hobby, Captain," she said firmly. "Preferably one that involves strenuous physical activity. Anyone who swallows his emotions as thoroughly as you do, requires an some sort of an outlet. Otherwise, he will not live as long as he should, in spite of any genetic predisposition he may have toward longevity."

 

Tanna didn't expect a reply nor did she wait for one. She turned and followed the escort out of the office leaving Captain Ayers to deal with his demons in private.

 

Nick smirks faintly as the Doctor makes the comment about him swallowing his emotions. It was a thoroughly insightful comment and it had come from a rather unexpected source. The smirk dies as Nick realizes that he has taken way too much time away from his job and it was necessary that he get back to it. He follows the Doctor and the security officer onto the Control Tower. As he steps out of his office he says "Lieutenant Shaharin, escort Doctor Lanvin to Sickbay and inform the Doctors there that she has volunteered to help. Then inform the Ambassador that the Doctor is safe. You are to stay with Dr. Lanvin and keep her safe." Nick pauses slightly then adds "And inform Sickbay that once the current situation is dealt with they are to return to working on a cure for the Rixians." His attention shifts to Dr. Lanvin as he says "There was a promise made."

 

Lieutenant Shaharin, the security officer escorting Dr. Lanvin, nods and replies "Understood sir."

After talking to the Rixians, Nick returns to his office and sits behind his desk, intending to resume the research he was doing. While knowing what he was looking for in general terms he doesn't have enough of a lead to specify the research really. Metaphorically it is the equivalent of stepping off a cliff and hoping there is something waiting to catch you. As he settles back into his chair he says "Computer, resume playback."

 

A video image appears on the computer screen on his desk. It shows a pair of humanoids on what appears to be a lush green world. As the view rotates it becomes evident that while the world may be indeed lush and green the location of the two humanoids is just a park inside the perimeter of a city. The humanoids, both male, are wearing a military-cut uniform, dark blue or black in color. One of them is also wearing a sort of cloak that is draped over his shoulders.

 

The one without the cloak says "Kelain, we shouldn't be here. This isn't right."

 

Kelain looks around and then says "Eoerin, who is going to stop us? Should not someone bear witness? Is that not owed?" With that statement, Kelain turns and walks out of the park and into the city proper.

 

Despite the apparent cleanliness and general newness of the buildings and streets, something seems very wrong with the picture. It becomes obvious after a minute...the city is eerily quiet with only the soft footfalls of Kelain and Eoerin being heard. Kelain, with Eoerin following, walks through the silent streets for a few minutes without running across any other sign of life.

 

As they reach a main thoroughfare Kelain cuts across the vacant street and approaches a large white building. As he reaches the doors Eoerin catches up and physically restrains him by grabbing at his arm.

 

Eoerin hisses "If there is someone alive in there they can't..."

 

Kelain rounds on him "Eoerin, do you sense any living sentients in the building? Now let go." With that Kelain shakes out of Eoerin's grasp and proceeds to enter the building.

 

The building turns out to be a hospital and it is here that the first indication of life is come upon. It is in the form of several dead bodies that are situation haphazardly in the main lobby. Several of the bodies are on the floor while others are in sitting positions, as if death had snuck up on them. All of the bodies are contorted as if in pain.

 

Kelain moves towards the nearest of the bodies and again Eoerin restrains him. Kelain rounds on Eoerin and hisses angrily "Let go Eoerin. They are dead and there is nothing they can do to us. What they died from is no risk to ourselves so why should we not be here? It was the Council's decision a century ago that wrought this."

 

This time it's Eoerin who gets angry. He says sharply "No it was their fault. They would not listen even when they were the ones who asked. They did not listen to those who were wiser then themselves. Their death..the death of their race is their fault and not ours."

 

"Maybe if we had come down off our mountain, so to speak, and acted with more compassion...."

 

"And what? Gave them the answer..the "cure" they wanted? It would have only delayed the inevitable and you know it. This same thing would have happened in a century or two or whenever."

 

"That would have given them a century or two or whatever to grow up and listen, Eoerin."

 

"You don't know that. For all you know they could have become more hardhearted and more prone to violence as their desperation grew."

 

"The chance still would have existed."

 

"Their chance is gone now...they are gone now. So what are you going to do now?"

 

Kelain walks to the nearest body and kneels down beside it. As he reaches down to close the eyes of the body the view pans down to show a close-up of the body's face. As it does so Kelain darkly says "This planet is now a graveyard and should be treated as such. We will make sure that no others come here and disturb this place ever. It is the least we owe them."

 

Nick, who had been listening to the conversation with rapt attention, finds himself staring at the face of the dead body. Nick pauses the recording and takes a few minutes to order his thoughts. Finally he says "Computer, get me a secure channel to Captain Mar...." He cuts himself off as he suddenly understands that events that had taken place over a millennia earlier had just come crashing down around him.

Nick enters his office and moves to sit down in the chair behind his desk. For a minute he considers the implications of what he had learned last night through, as Ethan put it, their fishing in the back of his mind for what his subconcious was trying to tell him regarding the Rixians. Really the only thing he had learned was that the El Aurians had at one time encountered some alien race suffering from a disease that was somehow similar to the one afflicting the Rixians. If he wanted to know more then he was going to have to search for it himself.

 

Finally he says "Computer, open a link to the computer terminal in Dr. Jones office and retrieve all information regarding the Rixian sample and the lab results. Also include an example of Rixian DNA." He pauses for a moment then adds "Encrypt the link as well as all information regarding the request for information."

 

Once the computer establishes the link, Nick retrieves a small box from his desk and opens it. Taking several data chips from inside he feeds them into the reader next to the computer terminal and starts calling up information on the terminal.

By: Tanna Lanvin, LtCmdr Ethan Hawke, and Captain Nicholas Ayers

 

 

Nick is working on some of the seemingly endless paperwork that goes along with the Station when Ethan's voice says over his comm "Captain, please report to the arboretum."

 

He taps his commbadge and replies "Very well. I'll be there in a minute." At the same time he telepathically asks her "What's this for?"

 

She replies telepathically "We have a little issue..." which causes him to wonder what exactly is going on.

 

A few minutes later he arrives at the arboretum and he hesitates outside the doors before proceeding inside. He finds Ethan standing there waiting for him. She takes his arm and leads him through the arboretum towards a back corner after saying "It's over here. You're not going to believe this." She ends up leading him to a small table that is set for a dinner for two.

 

She smiles and says in his mind "Happy birthday, dear."

 

He blinks in surprise and smiles. He kisses her and she returns the kiss. He says "Thank you, love."

 

She replies "I thought it would be nice to get away for an hour or two...we haven't had much of a break in a while."

 

He nods "Yeah, we do seem to get caught up in work. But enough about that."

 

"Hope you're hungry."

 

He pulls out a chair for her as he says "Quite. You?"

 

She says with a smile "You think I'd plan a dinner if I wasn't hungry?"

 

He shrugs and smirks "Sometimes you do eat like a bird."

 

She sits down and reaches for her napkin as she says "Me? You must have me mistaken for someone else." She adds with a chuckle "I'm a hockey player. I know how to eat."

 

As he moves to sit down in his chair she retrieves a chilled bottle of synthale and asks "Drink?" He nods so she pours them both a drink.

 

As they begin eating she asks "Have you heard from your family?"

 

He shakes his head slightly "No, I usually get a call from my parents on my birthday but I think its still early morning back home." He pauses a second then asks "Have you heard from yours?"

 

"Not today, but then its not my birthday."

 

He chuckles softly "True." Idly he wonders if she's mentioned him to her family but puts that thought out of his mind. He adds "I'll also probably get a call from the twins though right now they should be busy with finals in school."

 

She arches an eyebrow "Twins?"

 

He blinks "Didn't I tell you? Terra and Phelan, my sister and brother, are twins." He's wondering what she thought he meant by "twins" when he notices her attention turn to someone off to the side. He follows her gaze as she says in his mind "Oh, boy."

 

He finds Dr. Lanvin standing there with a great deal of confusion apparent on her expression. Nick sighs internally and says "Great. My kingdom for some privacy."

 

Ethan replies "Amen..next time, the holodeck...locked."

 

"Yes, though I'm starting to think we'll have to abscond with a runabout the way things have been going lately."

 

Ethan clears her throat and says to the Doctor "Can we help you?"

 

Tanna for her part is trying to figure out why Captain Ayers and Commander Hawke would be having dinner together in a corner of the Arboretum. Since the reception she had been mulling over what she had discovered about the fact that the Captain and the Commander and possibly others were telepathic and could possibly read her mind without her knowing about it. That they could is distressing to her and she had decided that she must inquire about it further and that would mean questioning them. After receiving directions to a computer terminal from a helpful store clerk she had used the computer to locate the Captain and Commander and to get directions to the Arboretum where they were both located, according to the computer. She ended up having to ask three people for help after she got a little bit turned around.

 

Upon entering the arboretum she didn't see the Captain or the Commander so she inquired with a young woman sitting on a bench if she had seen them. However, the young woman had said she had just arrived and had not seen either the Captain or the Commander. Just when Tanna thought that perhaps the two had left she heard what she thought were their voices. Following she found them seated at a small table in a dark corner of the arboretum having dinner.

 

She bows slightly and says "Commander Hawke, Captain Ayers, I have been looking for you."

 

Nick arches an eyebrow "Oh?"

 

Tanna steps towards the table and says "I need to discuss something of great importance with you."

 

"And it couldn't wait?" While Nick doesn't say that unpleasantly..there isn't a trace of his normal politeness in his voice either. While he found the Doctor's curiosity amusing as compared to the Ambassador's and the Rixian Captain's stoic reservedness the fact that the Doctor had interrupted his dinner with Ethan was not amusing at all. With everything that had been going on lately they had found precious little time to just spend together.

 

Ethan says in his mind "The tractor beams would have to be disabled."

 

"That could be arranged."

 

Tanna replies "No, Captain. This is of the utmost urgency. It cannot wait another moment."

 

Nick sighs "Very well. What is it?"

 

Tanna takes a deep breath and says "I must understand more about your ability to..read minds."

 

Ethan says "It's the Captain's birthday..we were just having dinner." After hearing what Tanna had said she blinks and says telepathically to Nick "That's urgent?"

 

"Apparently to her it is. I can name a lot of things that are more urgent to me."

 

Tanna says "Birthday? Oh...congratulations Captain. I am pleased you have survived to celebrate another birthday."

 

Ethan replies "Me, too."

 

Nick sighs "What about my ability to read minds? And thank you though the celebration was...interrupted."

 

Ethan glances at Nick as he says that "Easy..."

 

Tanna looks from Ayers to Hawke and back again before asking "Do you read the minds of others without their consent?" She blithely ignores the "interrupted" remark.

 

Ethan says to Nick "I'd better not answer that one.."

 

Nick closes his eyes briefly, forcing himself to relax. When he opens his eyes he finds Tanna standing there patiently with her hands clasped in front of her. He says "I usually do not, not beyond the surface. My telepathy is still developing though so it's...a bit difficult to read people's minds, at least it is for people I do not have a connection to. Deeper telepathic scans are generally frowned upon when they are not done with the person's consent. However, there are times where I would do so. Like if I thought the person I was scanning was a threat to the station...or to someone I loved."

 

Ethan prudently keeps her mouth shut, adopting a "don't ask, don't tell" response to the question.

 

Tanna looks at Hawke "Do you also ask for consent before reading someone's mind?"

 

Nick starts to say something but shuts his mouth.

 

Ethan replies "I'm sorry. That's classified."

 

Tanna frowns "Then I assume you do not request permission. Perhaps in role as an officer on this station, you find it necessary to read the thoughts of others to maintain security?"

 

Nick who had been taking a bite of his scalloped potatoes nearly chokes when Tanna says that.

 

Ethan says "I do not make a habit of reading people without permission or orders..."

 

"I find this very...disquieting."

 

"Why is that? Do you have something to hide?"

 

Tanna feels a blush crawling up her neck and wonders if they can tell. She says "I find it disquieting that you could secretly read the thoughts of others and then use that information to achieve your own objectives."

 

Ethan arches an eyebrow "To what purpose? Most people do not have thoughts worth reading. And there are thousands of people on this station. If someone projects, we can't help it. But we don't go around probing people's minds for no reason."

 

Ethan glances at Nick "Oh, boy..of all the telepaths...she had to ask me that question. In my case, it was part of my job."

 

"Yes, I know. My apologies about her." He knows enough about what Ethan had to do while she was working undercover for Starfleet Security to know that at times she had to force mental connections, more times then she would care to admit.

 

Nick, noticing Tanna's increased nervousness, says "Our objective, Doctor, is to help your people find out what is afflicting you and help you find a cure. We have no objectives beyond that."

 

Tanna says "I have no reason to doubt you." She glances at Ethan and asks "Projects?"

 

Ethan replies "Thinks very loudly. It's like shouting."

 

Nick adds "Doctor, most of the time I have my mental shields raised to keep people's thoughts out. It's...disquieting to be..how to put this...have you ever been in a crowded room where everyone is talking all at once, Doctor?"

 

Ethan adds "And more than one is shouting."

 

"Yes, Captain. I have been in such situations. However, I do not understand the concept of shouting thoughts."

 

Ethan asks "You have never been surprised by something? Or angry? Strong emotions or thoughts are more audible."

 

Tanna considers what Ethan said then says "I think I see what you mean."

 

Ethan says to Nick "Don't apologize for something you have no control over, love. It's not your fault. Hmm..I wonder if we can bribe Muon to shut off the tractors or the sensors next time..." She smirks slightly.

 

"I'll settle for bribing Muon to have several guards keep people away and from contacting us. But as for the sensors and tractor beams...it's not like we couldn't override those ourselves."

 

Tanna glances around the room for a moment then decides she has to ask her next question. "I must assume you have read some of my thoughts and those of the Ambassador as well?"

 

Ethan replies "Only the surface thoughts. We couldn't help but hear them. It would be like someone speaking in your ear..you would hear them whether you wanted to or not."

 

Nick nods in agreement.

 

Tanna says "I want to believe you. But I am concerned."

 

Nick says "Whether you do or not is your choice, but it is the truth."

 

Ethan asks "Concerned about what? Again, do you have something to hide?'

 

Tanna says "These surface thoughts..did you notice any differences between my thoughts and those of the Ambassador..or any other member of the Rixian party."

 

Nick replies "You mean other then you're obviously very curious about us and the Ambassador and the Captain are far more cautious and reserved?"

 

Tanna looks to Ayers "Yes, that's exactly what I mean."

 

Ethan nods in agreement and says "You seem far more open to new ideas."

 

Nick shakes his head "No, I didn't. But the Captain does seem to...not like us. But that I got from what he said more then anything else."

 

Tanna closes her eyes briefly and tries to maintain her composure. She opens her eyes and says "I am not supposed to be open to new ideas."

 

Nick blinks "Why?"

 

"It's not our way."

 

Ethan asks "How can you possibly make progress if you don't look for new ideas?"

 

Tanna replies "Such ideas could result in serious consequences. Perhaps I should rephrase. We are encouraged to be open to new ideas that originate on Rixis. However, it is frowned upon to embrace ideas from offworlders."

 

Ethan asks "So, the only good ideas are ones that come internally?" She shakes her head "That implies that everyone else in the universe is inferior?"

 

"Commander, the vast majority of my people believe just that." Tanna doesn't mention that she herself believes that. She either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore Nick's chuckle at the remark.

 

Ethan asks kindly "Then why are your people here, seeking our help? If you are, as they believe, so superior?"

 

"We are here because the vast majority of Rixians are wrong."

 

"And you are learning that there are other possibilities...but what of the others? They don't seem to be open to that possibility."

 

"No, they are not. They hold to the old ways of thinking. If they found out that I am a progressive...well..that would...cause me serious difficulties."

 

Ethan asks "Why? Because you might find something that would improve your way of life?"

 

"Progressives are a small minority on Rixis. We are an underground movement at this point in time."

 

Nick, who had remained quiet for the last few minutes chooses this moment to ask "And you are worried that we will inform the Ambassador or the Captain?"

 

Tanna looks at them both. "I humbly implore that you not inform the Ambassador or my Captain of any thoughts you might have sensed from me."

 

Nick waves his hand in front of him, dismissing her concern "There is no need to ask for that as we would not. Like I said...unless you or your fellow Rixians become a threat to my station..or to people I love I have no real interest in reading your mind or the mind of any other Rixian."

 

Ethan nods "I have no reason to do that. You do realize that if it became necessary, you could request asylum."

 

Tanna bows slightly "I appreciate your kind offer. However, I can help my people more if I am living among them."

 

"If your life or liberty became in danger, however..."

 

"If the situation becomes life threatening, I will not hesitate to ask for your assistance. I trust that any thoughts of mine will remain confidential..among us."

 

Ethan smiles slightly "Of course..unless they indicate you may cause harm."

 

Nick adds "You can trust that your thoughts will remain confidential..among yourself. I do not have an interest in reading your mind or in sharing your thoughts with others. Relationships between powers, such as the Federation and your people, are like relationships between people. It is built on trust and I have no interest in betraying such trust."

 

Tanna smiles, feeling somewhat relieved "Then I shall leave you to your dinner. Pardon the interruption and again, Happy Birthday Captain." With that she turns and walks away, still wondering why they were having dinner in the middle of a bunch of plants with such poor lighting.

 

Ayers says to her departing form "Thank you, Doctor." He watches her go and then sighs quietly to himself.

 

Ethan asks "Why is it that people seem to always think we have nothing better to do with our time?"

 

He nods slightly "Yeah, like reading her mind is more important than this."

 

She asks quietly "You okay?"

 

He shakes his head "No, it's nothing. Just something nagging me in the back of my mind. It's nothing."

 

She bats her eyelashes wickedly as she asks "Do I need to go fishing?"

 

He arches an eyebrow "Fishing?"

 

"Searching? In the back of your mind."

 

He smiles and shakes his head "No. But if you want to just..fish together then I would like that."

 

She looks down at her plate "Isn't that what this is?"

 

He chuckles softly "I was just saying..." He shakes his head.

 

"Go on."

 

He smiles "I was just thinking back..to what happened after we got contacted by those inter-dimensional aliens."

 

"Which part?"

 

Briefly he considers how to answer her question. Finally he replies "Well, you did offer to go searching my mind. Now while what is nagging me isn't important I..." He shakes his head slightly then says quietly "If your offer to go fishing, as you put it, still stands I would like to accept it." She had said it so coyly that he's not sure exactly if she meant it.

Nick watches as the Pandora detaches from the station and heads off in the direction of the Cardassian moon. He frowns and shakes his head as he wonders at the anxiousness he's feeling. It wasn't just the fact that Colao's claims had apparently come true and all the implications that held. Nor was it the fact that Ethan and the others were heading into a potentially dangers situation, not entirely. As much as part of him may like to shield her and the others they had jobs to do and he could not interfere in that no matter what his personal feelings were. Though granted the fact that a year ago this week a friend he had cared deeply for had died in the Cairo incident...been murdered in actuality was certainly weighing in on his concern for those he had come to care about and love on Aegis. That anniversary had dredged back up the grief and guilt that he hadn't entirely managed to deal with over the intervening year. Grief over her death and guilt that he hadn't been there to protect her coupled with the guilt over what he felt was his role in her death.

 

Maybe its the fact that this is the first time that the Pandora had left the station while he remained since his promotion. Commanding Officer of the station though he was he was still to all intents and purposes the First Officer as he was when he first joined Aegis and it was still something of a bump on the log position. And yet he very well couldn't go off leading away team missions or other such jaunts now. Like the Admiral, his place..his duty station in such situations was the Station.

 

He decides that really his anxiousness was due to all of those things. And yet..he can't quite shake the feeling that he's missing something. He blinks and swears under his breath as he remembers what it is. He turns and walks over to the Admiral. He says only loud enough for the Admiral to hear "Sir, the Rixians are due to arrive within the next 15 hours."

Under normal circumstances Nick liked enigmas. He got a certain enjoyment in figuring out such things. And under normal circumstances he would enjoy figuring out the puzzle that the Rixians presented. However, with the Cardassian elections coming up plus the information that Colao had delivered, Nick wasn't really in the mood for such things. Still, the Rixians did have his curiosity piqued.

 

The Federation had first encountered the Rixians less then a century earlier. Though the encounter was cordial it was also unproductive. The Rixians had more or less made it clear that they had no real interest in dealing with outside races beyond some rather sporadic merchant dealings. And as their system held no real strategic or economic importance they had been largely left alone by the Federation as well as the other major powers in the sector.

 

What did pique the interest of the Federation, or at least certain scientists among Starfleet was certain oddities in Rixian history and culture. First there was that the Rixians, a dark blue/gray skinned humanoid species, was one of the few cultures known to exist that based its entire reproductive processes around genetic engineering. Federation diplomats had noted that part of the Rixian reticence to contact with outside people had at least partly to do with the fact that the Rixians knew that most other species frowned upon genetic engineering. It had also led to a certain sense of superiority among the Rixians.

 

The second thing that piqued the interest of the Federation scientists was the fact that, as far as the Federation had been able to learn, the recorded history of the Rixians went back only a thousand years. The Rixians were hardly forthcoming with their history but the Federation had learned enough that it wasn't simply that the Federation hadn't been able to find out the history of the Rixians prior to that time but that there was no apparent history of the Rixians prior to that time.

 

That a species had evolved and developed to the point of being a spacefaring race with technology only a century behind the Federation in a 1000 years seemed unrealistic. And yet Rixian history did not suggest that there were any other older prior species on the Rixian homeworld nor did it suggest that the Rixians came from somewhere else. As far as the Rixians were concerned, the reason their history began a scant 1000 years ago is because that is when they began. They fully believed that they, as a species, developed and evolved in that timeframe. And there was no evidence to the contrary and yet still it was an enigma.

Nick stifles a yawn as he leans back in the chair in his office and stretches. He rubs his bleary eyes before saying "Computer, restore normal security protocols and functions." The Computer beeps as it acknowledges the order.

 

Nick frowns to himself as he glances at the clock. "Computer, is Representative Colao onboard the station?"

 

The computer replies "Negative. Representative Colao is not presently aboard the Station."

 

"Has Representative Colao been aboard Aegis in the past month?"

 

"Negative."

 

Nick smiles faintly "Has there been any transports from Cardassia docked at the Station in the last 72 hours?"

 

"Negative. There has been no ships from Cardassia arriving or departing at the station in the last 72 hours."

 

Nick nods and allows himself a brief pleased feeling at a job accomplished. It hadn't been real difficult for him to, in effect, hack into the Station's computer and remove all mention of the presence of Representative Colao and the Cardassian transport that Colao had arrived on but it had been time consuming even with the access codes and overrides that he held as Commanding Officer of the Station. That pleased feeling is tempered by the fact of what Colao was claiming and what had happened to the transport at the hands of a group of Cardassian warships.

 

As far as Aegis' computers were concerned, Colao and the transport that brought him to Aegis no longer existed. The only recent Cardassian arrival was a Cardassian male refugee on his way back to Cardassia Prime. And he had already instructed the others that knew about Colao's presence that they were to talk about it to absolutely no one. Muon was still probably fuming at that but that couldn't be helped.

 

The report to Starfleet had already been sent and it, plus the Station's own altered records, would support the cover story.

 

As for Colao, he was currently in one of the Station's diplomatic suites. Two armed guards were stationed outside under orders to let no one save the Admiral or Nick in and to not let Colao out.

 

He thinks back briefly to Muon's initial reaction to the events and what Meve and he had ordered and in part Nick can understand her bewilderment. He doubted he'd ever be able to fully explain to her what was going on and Nick didn't like the thought of keeping secrets from someone he had come to consider a friend. However, that couldn't be helped. For the protection of the Station and everyone on it, the fiction needed to be maintained even if that meant a degradation in the trust he had built up with her and the others.

 

Nick stands and exits his office and as he strides across the largely silent Control Tower he considers briefly checking on Ethan. He dismisses the thought, deciding that he really shouldn't interrupt her sleep. Still, part of him was curious to know what she wanted to tell him earlier but it would have to wait.

 

He steps into the turbolift and orders it to his quarters. It was late enough and he needed to get some sleep.

Nick stares up at Representative Colao for a few seconds after Colao's revelation. It takes him that long to digest what Colao had said without laughing at the outrageousness of it all. He senses Colao's mental state, trying to tell if the Cardassian was lying or not but he can't detect any hint of deception. That doesn't mean its not there possibly just that Nick can't sense it. Cardassians were never the easiest people to read, at least not in Nick's experiences.

 

Nick's mind whirls at the possibilities presented before him. If what Colao was saying was true, the Prime Minister was planning to commit what used to be termed "a crime against humanity" that outdid what Free Cardassia had did to one of the Cardassian regional capitals. Not even during the height of the Cardassian-Dominion war had such a thing taken place. The only thing that could compare was the Borg assimilating entire worlds and with the Borg they were slaves to their master's will. This was something different entirely, something far more insidious.

 

If the Prime Minister was willing to do such a thing just to hang onto power then the Prime Minister was clearly mad and something had to be done to stop him. However, if the Federation moved against him it would only benefit Free Cardassia movement and would doom any hopes of rebuilding the peace between the Federation and the Cardassians. And Nick has no doubt that there were politicians in the Federation morally corrupt enough to consider keeping the Federation out of another possible war with the Cardassian the preferable thing over stopping a madman in power.

 

On the other hand, there was the very real possibility that Colao was orchestrating a deception. Or that he himself had been deceived. That the Free Cardassia movement was hoping to set up the Federation and the Cardassian Government up against each other in the hopes of gaining power.

 

Then there was the third alternative. That the Prime Minister really meant to do such a thing and then it became known that he was behind it. Which would give the Cardassians that didn't like the Federation's presence more reason to hate the Federation. After all, in their view since the Prime Minister would be to blame that must mean that the Federation had a hand in it as the Federation had a clear interest in the Prime Minister remaining in power.

 

The various twists and turns as well as the nuances of this situation is enough to give Nick the beginning of a headache. Nick sighs inwardly and says "Sit down, Representative, and tell me the entire story...from the beginning."